Author: Keith's Ramblings

Post 1664. Thursday April 26

My Friend Rosey has been part of my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

There’s a stream running past Rosey’s parents garden, and for as long as she could remember a dilapidated blue and white rowing boat sat unloved on the bank. Rosey thought it would be fun to relaunch it. Daddy said it was good for nothing but firewood, but she reckoned all was required to make it stream-worthy again were a couple of sheets of sandpaper, some brushes and paint. However, on closer inspection, some of the planks that made up the ‘hulk’ as she called it, had come loose. Armed with a hammer and a handful of nails she restored the errant components to their former positions, more or less.

Job done and duly repainted, she pushed the craft into the water and clambered aboard, standing for a moment or two, arms spread, knees buckled, trying to balance. So far so good. Until that was, there was a loud crack and the heel of her shoe went straight through the bottom! At the same time, a protruding nail pierced the sole of her other shoe. Ouch! If only she’d worn flat shoes and bent the nails over! The water flowed fairly rapidly, but not in a straight line. It sort of swirled and despite her best efforts with the paddle (aka Daddy’s best cricket bat) she started slowly spinning around. When she was ankle deep in water and slightly dizzy she decided it prudent to abandon ship and leap ashore!

A few days later her parents had a bonfire to get rid of unwanted bits and pieces. Perched atop was the little blue and white boat. Daddy was right, it really did make very good firewood!

Tomorrow X is for Ten! At least, it was in Roman times!

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

This time last year we went for a walk in Amble Wood. To revisit click HERE

Post 1663. Wednesday April 25

My Friend Rosey has been part of my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

Rosey has decided to have another go at becoming a vegetarian. She does it now and again. She once told me that if God meant us to be veggies, he wouldn’t have made cows from beef, but she seems to have conveniently forgotten that for the time being!

She’s dusted off her pots of pills and supplements and lined them up on the shelf where her biscuits and sweets usually live. There are multivitamins, omega 3 tablets, and ashwagandha pills whatever they are!

She pointed to a large unlabeled tin. “I have to take eighteen of those a day – six in the morning, six in the afternoon and six in the evening, they’re essential for increasing my energy levels”

“What are they?” I asked.

“M&M’s,” she said.

I asked if she had plenty of eggs, milk, whole-grain cereals, pulses, green leafy vegetables, fruit and fortified breakfast cereals in stock.

“ I don’t drink milk or eat eggs anymore,” she said.

“So have you turned into a vegan?”  I asked. She thought about it for a minute before adopting her familiar quizzical expression.

“Me, a vegan? Are you saying I’ve got pointed ears like Mr. Spock?”

”Vegans Rosey,” I said, “not Vulcans”!

Rosey, I know you are reading this and you’ll probably tell me off again for teasing you, so in a couple of weeks time I’ll take you out for a big juicy steak by way of an apology.

 
Tomorrow W is for Water

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

On this day last year, we took afternoon tea with Lady Violet. If you want seconds, click HERE

Post 1662. Tuesday April 24

My Friend Rosey has been part of my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

It was the day of carnival procession. Halfway down the snaking column, Rosey was in charge of a group of kids from school dressed as fruit and vegetables. Rosey was a carrot and wore an orange sheet sewed into a point at the bottom! However, its design seriously impeded her forward progress. Consequently, she, her flock, two bands, three floats and all the other participants behind her became separated from the front half of the procession which after a while disappeared from sight.

When they reached the crossroads Rosey was unsure which way to go.  Unfortunately, she chose the wrong way seemingly unaware of the sudden absence of onlookers.  Little Lester the Lettuce realised and ran up to Rosey, losing a leaf on the way. Unflappable as ever, Rosey immediately started a U-turn. The road was a little narrow, so when the Bagpipe Band heading north had to pass the float of aged pensioners still facing south, a battle of walking sticks and drumsticks ensued. Thankfully it was soon sorted and once again they were all marching the same way.

Rosey ripped open the bottom of her costume so she could take longer strides. Her newly liberated legs paced forward at such a speed, the other marchers and musicians had to trot to keep up. Minutes later they arrived at the carnival area breathless but relieved. 

The rest of the afternoon was a great success with all sorts of activities going on. Rosey held court in the beer tent over a bottle of ice cold Chardonnay.  I doubt she’ll be in charge next year!

 
Tomorrow V is for Vegetarian.

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

On this day last year, I wrote about umbrellas and ukuleles! To remind yourself what that was all about just, click Here!

Post 1661. Monday April 23

My Friend Rosey has been part of my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

It’s sometimes difficult to know if Rosey is joking, or actually believes something which to us seems unlikely. To laugh or not to laugh, that is the dilemma!

I’m sure she believed in the tooth fairy when she was little, why not, most children do – I did quite well getting six pence every time a tooth dropped out! But eventually, we have a Father Christmas moment and accept that it was all just pretend.

I mention this because she told us her father is getting rid of his ill-fitting false teeth and splashing out on expensive dental implants. She suggested that instead of throwing the falsies away, he should leave them on his bedside table because they could be worth quite a bit in fairyland, especially if the Fairy Grandmother was in need of dentures.

The thing is, she said it with a really serious look on her face. Nobody said anything for a moment, no-one wanted to be the first to speak for fear of saying the wrong thing! Instead, I tried quickly changing the subject and jokingly asked if they had heard about Giovanni from the Italian restaurant.

“No, what?“ asked Nicki

“He pasta way!” I said

“No he didn’t’” Rosey called out over the laughter, “I  saw him this morning”

Nobody said anything for a moment….!

Tomorrow, U is for U-turn

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

This time last year we went to Amble Bay’s Tuesday Club. To revisit click HERE

Post 1660 Sunday April 22

For Sunday  Photo Fiction

We last saw this picture in May 2016. You may recognise this story – it’s also from May 2016! 

No one knows when it started or why it started. It just sort of started. Gradually. If you could have seen him back in the day, you would hardly know him as the man you see slouched in the corner over there. Devoted husband. Loving father. He walked away from them you know. Staggered away more like. They’ve never got over it. Rotten sod.

He always liked a beer or two, who doesn’t. Life and soul of the party was our Mac. But one day the booze set him on a downhill slope. You see that glass he’s clutching now? You know what’s in it? Absinthe. Absinthe Blue. Seventy-eight percent you know. Yep. Seventy-eight bloody percent!

Just look at him slouched in the corner. No, not him, me. Look at me. I’m not just mumbling to myself, mumbling about myself. Seeing myself as others see me. Ashamed of what I’ve become. I could give it up. It would be easy. ‘My name is Mac and I’m an alcoholic’. Loud applause. ‘Well done Mac’. You’ve jumped the first hurdle’  Bugger that. Load of do-gooders. I’m all right. I am, aren’t I? Yes, I’m all right. I’m….I’m…..can somebody help me, please? Where have you all gone? Is there anybody there? Please?

Post 1659. Saturday April 21

My Friend Rosey has been part of my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

Rosey thought she’d visit the cathedral. She often wondered what it was like inside. The door opened with a creak,  then closed behind her with a loud clunk which echoed around the grey open space. Her footsteps clattered as she walked up the nave. She let out a sudden little sneeze, she only does little sneezes. She heard it again and again, then again! Her face lit up. Then she clapped, just a gentle clap, and it repeated from behind, in front and above.

As she wandered into the quire, she saw sheets of music in neat little piles in front of the wooden choir stalls. She had a sudden desire to sing, the echo in there was just amazing!

“All things bright and beautiful….” then she stopped suddenly. and listened in amazement as her voice travelled around and around and around.

“Hallelujah, hallelujah, halle-ey-ey-ey-ool-yah”. Back her voice came. Fantastic! It occurred to her she might be able to sing a round with herself!

“Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?”

It worked! As she sang the second line the first one came back and joined in! She was suddenly aware of another voice. Not hers, it was far too deep!

“Sonnez les matines, sonnez les matines, ding dang dong, ding dang dong” it sang.

A cassock clad priest appeared from behind a pillar. “That was lovely, how about we sing this one together?”

“Row, row, row your boat.

Gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.

Life is but a dream”.

I don’t how long they sang rounds for, but I know she had a jolly good time!

Monday, T is for The Tooth Fairy

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

On this day last year, we went shopping in Amble Bay’s Main Street. If you need anything and want to pop back click HERE

Post 1658. Friday April 20

My Friend Rosey has regularly featured on my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

Rosey agreed to join a fundraising run in aid of charity. Not a gentle jog around the park. No, it was organised by the army no less! Heavy boots, camouflage suits, backpacks, helmets and splodges of brown and green face paint. Rosey looked hilarious! Whilst waiting, she adopted her confused look and asked if she had to go over that, under that, through there, up there and down that. I said no, you go under that, up that, over that, up there and through that and down there’.

Then they were off. Her first mistake was to crawl into a burrow from the wrong end coming literally head to head with someone going the right way! She lost her balance on a rope walk and became suspended like a string puppet. After shooting headfirst down a muddy bank, she climbed down a ladder instead of up it, having climbed up a tree, not down it. She clambered onto a bunker but forgot to use the slide to descend and jumped instead, landing in a heap on the ground. Suddenly her laughter became a whimper!

We were in the emergency department for ages, Rosey gripping her throbbing shoulder. She was concerned the delay was because her camouflage prevented the nurses from seeing her, but she was eventually called, and later returned with her arm in a sling and her shoulder relocated. Typically, Rosey managed to find it amusing!

“Did you hear about the person who couldn’t use their left arm?” she asked. “They’re alright now!”

She raised a lot of money; not for the skill she displayed, but for the comedy performance she provided!

Tomorrow S is for  Singing

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

On this day last year, I took you along to Amble Bay’s Produce Prizegiving. To remind yourself who the winners were, click HERE

Post 1657. Thursday April 19

My Friend Rosey has regularly featured on my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

Rosey and I belong to pub quiz team called The Clueless. Last night we played against some lawyers called Legally Speaking,  nurses called Bedpan Faces and several other assorted teams. As usual, we were useless at music, hopeless at history and inept with general knowledge. Then along came Rosey’s pet subject. No, not cats, words!

Q1. – What’s the longest word in the English dictionary?

The quizzers amongst you will know that you write your answer on the answer sheet. But in her excitement, Rosey leapt to her feet and yelled ‘antidisestablishmentarian’ giving the correct answer to every other team!

“Bet you don’t know what it means!” yelled someone.

“A person opposed to removing the Church of England as the official religion of the realm. And by the way, the longest word in the English language has 1906 letters, but being a technical expression it’s not include in the dictionary”

That shut him up!

Q2 – Spell millennium.

She whispered her answer. I said she was wrong, but actually, she was right.

Q3 – What’s at the top of the left-hand column on page 168 of the Oxford English Dictionary?

‘One six eight’ she hissed. A trick question, but she spotted it straight away.

Ten wordy questions, ten correct answers, then it was Current Affairs and Rosey’s moment of glory was over.

Q1 – What is the King of Swaziland called? Rosey suggested ‘Your Majesty’. Actually, it’s King Mswati the Third (Hey, get me!)

We didn’t win; we never do. But at least we were consistent in coming last!

Rosey’s final word on words was that the shortened form of World Wide Web has three times the syllables. And she’s right!

Tomorrow R is for Run

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

On this day last year, we took part in the quiz at the Fish Inn in Amble Bay. I wonder where we’ll be next year? To revisit click Here

Post 1656. Wednesday April 18

My Friend Rosey has regularly featured on my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

Last Friday at our weekly get together, Rosey surprised us all by mentioning she occasionally writes poems. I jokingly asked her if she’d ever had any published and she took the wind out my sails by saying she had! Apparently, she entered a competition a few years back and the top ten entrants had their poems printed in a magazine. We had no idea. We were muttering among ourselves about our own literary efforts when we realised Rosey was quietly reciting a poem.

‘Summer sunshine rides the breeze
as sunrays weave their way through trees
A dappled carpet paints the ground
with shades of gold and green and brown
So different from that fateful day…’

She suddenly stopped. We watched in silence for what seemed an age, then she slowly rose to her feet and walked outside. Helen followed her. A couple of minutes later they returned hand in hand. Rosey was looking down at the floor. I have no idea what happened. The poem clearly meant something to her.

The look on her face told us it was time to change the subject.

“I need to do a survey for work and I’m a bit stuck as to how to go about it” chirped Nicki. “It’s a sort of report, and I thought that I ought…”

With that Rosey started giggling. “Hey, you’re a poet and you didn’t know it!” she said. The Rosey we know and love was back!

Tomorrow, Q is for Quiz

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

On this day Last year, I told you about Amble Bay’s Annual produce prizegiving. To revisit click HERE

Post 1655. Tuesday April 17

My Friend Rosey has regularly featured on my blog since I set it up twelve years ago. To read all about her in 200 or so words, click HERE

Rosey saw Helen in the mall.

“Rosey Pee, Steve told me a secret. If I don’t tell someone I’ll burst!”

“Do tell!” said Rosey.

“Well, Alan overheard James telling Jane that Molly’s preggers, and Charlie’s the father!”

Rosey paused to process the names then gasped! “Mum’s the word, literally!”

Minutes later Rosey phoned Amanda.

“Mandy” she whispered.

“I can’t hear you Rosey”

“I can’t shout, ceilings have ears”

“Walls have ears!” laughed Amanda.

“Walls too? Never mind, listen. Helen said Charlie said Alan has got Jane in the pudding club!” Trust Rosey to get it mixed up!

Straight away Amanda told Nicki who thought it too good to keep to herself and rushed to the pub to tell Brenda the barmaid, aka Barmy Bren.

The pub was extremely noisy and  Brenda struggled to hear, but she thought got the gist of it and within minutes the ‘secret’ was traveling from table to table and soon became the talk of the bar.

Rosey walked through the door.

“Hi, gang, who’s buying me a chardonnay?”

“Should you be drinking?” asked Dickie.

“‘Sorry?” said Rosey as she climbed onto a stool.

“Don’t sit there” said Mike. “Suppose you topple. Sit on a chair”.

Rosey wondered what was going on.

“‘You never told me you were seeing Alan,” said Jacob.

“I’m not,” said Rosey, “I’m with Gareth”

“‘Don’t worry,” he said tapping his nose “Your secret’s safe with us. How’s the morning sickness?”

It took a while, but eventually, they sorted the muddle out and Rosey got her glass of ‘Vino Non Pregnico’ as she called it!

Nicki suggested they play a game.

“I know,” said Rosey, “how about Chinese Whispers? We haven’t played it for ages”!

Tomorrow, P is for Poem

Previous episodes – A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

One year ago today we went to a concert to hearAmble Bay’s orchestra. To revisit click HERE