Keith's Ramblings

 

 

Once again the farmers were enjoying a drink at the Baaamy Inn, and Arthur was fiddling with his ear, “I’ve got a hearing aid”, he said, “I didn’t realise how much I was missing before I got it, it’s a state of the art device and I hear everything really clearly”, Babs looked interested and said “what kind is it?”  – “a quarter to eight”, replied Arthur, “I bumped into a couple of mates in town t’other day, they are both a bit hard of hearing, I said, ‘it’s windy today isn’t it’, and Jack said, ‘Thursday’, then Tony said ‘so am I, let’s get a drink’, I reckon they should sign up for some!”

Over at the knitting circle, Polly was telling her fellow knitwits that she was considering learning a foreign language, “I tried French, but it was ‘tray dificultay’, German was a ‘bitz complizated’, and then I thought, I know, I’ll try sign language, at least there won’t be any pronunciation difficulties; as you know I’m a great believer in multitasking so I’m learning to knit and sign at the same time, watch….whoopsie – okay, it’ll take a while but I’ll do it, you’ll see!”

Ted was prodding his ‘portable telephone’, as he calls it, “my wife made me get it so she could keep in touch when I’m out of sight, I don’t trust the thing, but I’m slowly getting the hang of it, I was watching an American programme on the telly last night and a guy called his one a cell phone, I assume he was an ex-criminal and he was given it in prison” ; “I couldn’t live without mine”, said George, “I went a pub in town yesterday and there was sign on the wall that says ‘Wi-Fi Password – you need to buy a drink first’, so I bought a pint and asked the barmaid what the password was and she said, ‘you need to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces’.

Len has sign board outside on the pavement, and he likes to write amusing messages on it, for example, one said Free Beer tomorrow – think about it – another said, Wanted, customers, no experience necessary, full training given, another, Pot holes ahead, remove teeth, tighten bra , and the latest one says Husband Creche, leave him in our care while you shop’! 

Time for Colin to pipe up – “I had a hearing test and he asked me what the symptoms were, so I said that yellow family on TV – I know several jokes in sign language, nobody has ever heard them – the least spoken language is sign language – pirates can’t use sign language  because the hooks make everything look like a question – pigs speak swine language – I saw a sign outside a farm that said ‘duck, eggs’ I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma, and then it hit me – hippies like exit signs cos they’re way out, man – the only two words in English that have two U’s together are vacuum and sheep – I use the word frequently as often as possible  – the longest word is smiles, the first and last letters are a mile apart…….”

Landlord Len was cashing up after another busy session and once again more people had paid by card than with notes and coins, he has a sign on the bar that says ‘Cash, use it or lose it’ because he prefers that method of payment and he’s worried that in time it will become a thing of the past; he was looking closely at a fifty pence piece and as he did so the King’s head slowly changed to that of his dearly departed Maggie, ‘you won’t lose me,’ she said before fading away. 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where today’s given word is Sign

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I’m in my flying saucer, I’m having such fun! It’s only a single-seater, so it’s quite inconspicuous. I bet you can’t see me. Oh, you can, ‘hello’!

I see all sorts from up here. Nige from number nine slipped into Nellie’s next door earlier. Pretty Polly was perched on her patio, she’s not the prude I perceived her to be, I’ll say no more! 

Oh look, there’s Doug digging a hole. I’ve not seen his wife for ages, you don’t think … phew, he’s planting a tree!

Thirsty work flying a saucer, time for a cuppa. Stand clear, down I come. Weeeee!

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Click Froggie to look down at the squares!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

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…the sun came out and the sky turned blue, that’s not occured in ages! And so, this morning I went for a walk!

I splodged my way down a muddy trail alongside a meadow, heading for the wood.l alongside the eadow 

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If you look carefully at the next pic, on the right you’ll see the remains of a castle built by the Romans about 2000 years ago, and towards the left a church built by the Normans around 1066.

You can click the pic to enlarge should  you so desire!

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Now where we? Oh yes, the wood!

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Look, a couple of squirrels! 

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…then I walked home and put the kettle on!

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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

Image credit; Ryan Lansdown @ Pexels

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Once again the members of the Sing Song Society had come together for another afternoon of fun fun fun! They danced, they sang, oh, the games people play! They’d rock around the clock if they could, but that was it for another day. 

“Is that all there is?” asked Peggy. 

“Yes, it’s time” said Floyd.

“Here comes the sun!”, said George as he walked out the door.

“Great, cover me in sunshine!” cried Pinky Poo!

“I’m going for a walk down the trail of the lonesome pine”, said Laurel, he‘s quite a hardy guy, there ain’t no mountain high enough to stop him! “Anyone going to come with me?”

“Not me”,  Jimmy replied, “there are too many rivers to cross”.

“Me neither”, said Sifunkel, “there nothing nice about a bridge over troubled water”

“Do come”, Audrey pleaded, “Moon River really is quite lovely right now”.

“You and your promises”, chuckled Eric!

“I’ve just had a pacemaker fitted”, said Gerry, so I’d better not”. 

“Nor me”, said Everly rubbing his thigh, “they say love hurts, my girlfriend can be quite vicious at times. ‘It’ll be time to say goodbye if you hit me baby one more time’, I told her, ‘who do you think you are, Britney Spears?

“That what happens when you date sex cymbals”, Sheila said. 

As Nathaniel followed the track home, clouds cast a shroud over the sun, mister blue sky, stolen.

‘Here comes the rain again’, thought Annie as she took the long road home, ‘good job Rihanna  lent me her umbrella’. . 

 

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Thanks to Brenda for hosting The Sunday Whirl

This week’s words – shroud symbols water rock sun tracks spear stolen cross promise moon and trail

I took a libery with symbols and used it phonetically!

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I wrote two pieces for Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt today, one soppy, one silly. I couldn’t decide which to use so I’m afraid you are getting them both!

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Take 1!

Standing upon the hilltop at one with nature, I am surrounded by an undulating patchwork of green, gold and russet fields punctuated by sturdy trees and speckled with woolly downland sheep. 

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Take 2!

It’s finished, my pretty little piece of patchwork! Ooo-ooo-ooh, I need the bathroom, I’ve been sitting here stitching for ages. Oh no, I’ve only gone and sewn it to my jeans.;

 

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“I’m gonna be in a lot of trouble when I get home”, said Ted, as he walked into the Baaamy Inn, soaking wet thanks to the pouring rain, “the wife gave me a shopping list when I left home and I’m supposed to have bought the stuff on the way here, well, I dropped the list on the ground and went to I went to pick it up a gust of wind blew it into the air and it flew onto on a passing cars windscreen“; just at that moment a guy entered the pub and ordered a pint, “this piece of paper landed on my windscreen, Len”, he said as he screwed it up, “mind if I throw it on the fire?”

“Talking of dropping things”, said Arthur, “unbeknown to me I dropped my wallet on the ground as I left the bakery this morning, it had all my credit cards and cash in it, anyway, I walked to the bus stop getting there just in time and as I climbed aboard some bloke leapt on behind me; as I sat down he walked up to me puffing and panting and said ‘you dropped your wallet outside’ the bakery, I thanked him and he just stood there, so I said ‘where it then?’ and he said ‘I just told you, it’s on the ground outside the bakery’ – fortunately someone handed it in so I got it back” ; “good, said Babs, because it’s your turn to buy the drinks!”

The rain had suddenly turned to snow, heavy snow, ”looks like it’s settling on the ground already”, said Jim, “shame were not holding the Winter Olympics, I remember back in ‘78 when we had lots of snow, I took my five year old Freddy up the hill with a tea tray so he could have a go at tobogganing, I sat him on it, told him to hold tight and off he went, he loved it, he walked back up, sat on the tray, held his arms in the air and said ‘look Dad, no hands’, and down he went, then he came back pulled his beanie hat down over his face and said ‘look Dad, no eyes’ and down he went again, unfortunately he bumped in to a fence, he came back up with a smile on his face and said  ‘look Dad, no tooth!”

Over at the knitting circle, a brown stain on Natilie’s cardigan had caught the attention of Polly, ”what have you done?”, she said; “well,” said Nat, “I was cleaning out my cafetiere before I left and I managed to splash coffee grounds all over the place and I didn’t have time to change, but it got me thinking, last year Knitwitter’s Weekly held a competition to find the most unusual things to make, suggestions included fancy fishing nets, colourful cobwebs, a cat’s hat and scarf, a pair of cosy cufflinks and a couple of things that modesty prevents me from mentioning, I was thinking I could knit a really comfortable bra for those of us whose’s boobies are rapidly heading towards the ground, and call it the Wings Beneath my Things”……up jumped Suzie at the next table, “fly, fly, so high against the sky, so high they’ll almost touch the sky!”

Here comes Colin – “Olympic skiing’s not as popular as it was, it’s going downhill fast – after the shepherdess left her sheep out in a blizzard she had to take them to the Icy Ewe ward – Mary had a little lamb, the midwife fainted – the most ground breaking invention ever was the shovel – I fell down a hole in the ground filled with water, I couldn’t see that well – the ground said to the earthquake, you crack me up – when a plane hits the ground it goes boeing – when your books fall to the ground you only have your shelf to blame – I read a book about a machine that drills holes in the ground, it was boring – I told the barista my coffee tasted like dirt, he said it was only ground this morning – I don’t like coffee, it’s not really my cup of tea – I couldn’t work in Starbucks, the daily grind would be too much – a sad cup of coffee is despresso…….”

Len was looking out at the snow that now covered the ground and his mind went back to when he and his dearly departed Maggie each made a ‘snowperson’, they stood face to face as if kissing; the next day the sun came out and they began to disappear, “you melted my heart Maggie”, he muttered, “mine too”, whispered Maggie, “mine too”.

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Thanks to Delise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hoasting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Ground.

 

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I try not to reuse stories from the past, but now and again one begs to make another appearance –  this is a drastically reduced version of something I wrote several years ago.

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He’d spend his day surrounded by teetering towers of textbooks and piles of academic papers – except for lunchtime when he’d appear at my bistro, climb onto a bar stool and flirt with my girls whilst enjoying a snack!

I can still see him in his double breasted suit, bow tie and patent leather shoes. ‘My dear friend’, he’d say as I approached. He always called me that. 

He died too soon, he still had so much to give. The last thing he said to me was ‘Goodbye, my dear friend’. 

He was buried in a cardboard coffin under a tree in a copse.

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It’s Friday ‘Factioneers’ for me this week! Froggie is standing in for the prof outside my bistro in Eastbourne. Click him to visit the squares. 

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Back in 2017 I wrote a piece about the Stage Door and the myriods of celebrities we entertained! The names will be familiar to British readers but not necessarily to those from far afield as they were mainly stars of UK television shows. Happy days! If you’re interested, it’s HERE!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers

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PHOTO PROMPT © Lori Wilson

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for Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

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I can hardly believe 14 years have pased since I spent some time in and around Luxor in Egypt. I thought I’d take a look back at a few of the pictures I took…

…starting at Luxor Temple which dates back to 1400BC.

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There was originally an avenue of sphinxes all the way from Luxor Temple to the Karnack temple some three miles away. This is one end of it!

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The Karnack temple complex is the most visited site in all of Egypt. It was started by Ramses 11 who reigned from 1391–1351 BC.

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Queen Hatshepsut temple butts the mountainside was commissioned by Augustus in 15BC. Climbing all those steps in the midday sun was sheer torture – but well worth it!

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I can’t quite rember where I look this, but I like it!

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The Valley of the Kings which dates back to 16-11BC.  It was here that the tomb of Tutankhamen was found having been there for some 4000 years.  His tomb is in fact quite modest compared to the other 63 discoved so far. No photography allowed down below!

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Yet another temple, Denbur!

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I took a trip along the Nile on a floating palace known as the M/S Orchid, from a misty morning until sunset. It was great!

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Wave!

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Fancy something to eat?

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Time for a well deserved drink on the hotel’s patio!

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I could go on but I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do! Thanks for joining me.

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It was nice of him to offer me a ride on his yacht. Off we went, bobbing up and down. He shouted ‘duck’. I looked to port and starboard, but I couldn’t see one. It was then the boom swung round, bonked me on the shoulder and knocked me overboard. He didn’t seem to notice and just kept going, chattering away as if I was still there. 

Anyway, I managed to swim ashore and I had a nice time wandering around a little island. I paddled in a stream, picked a flower, ate a banana, picked another flower and then got bored. Suddenly, it occurred to me, I was marooned. What now?

I scraped the word HELP in the sand, hoping someone flying overhead would see it.

Somebody did. A pretty girl landed her paraglider alongside me. She told me to jump on her back, so needless to say, I did! Then she ran along the shore until we shot up into the sky. Weeeee! I let go and stretched out my arms like airplane wings. Bad move. I did a free fall back into the briny.

I swam back ashore. Actually, I think I could get like this little island!.

 

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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

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Image credit; Amein Shareef77 @ Unsplash