Keith's Ramblings

For Sadje’s What Do You See? picture prompt.

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This geezer strolled into the pub sporting an unusual looking pair of specs. 

 “They are very swish” I said. “I like the clip-on sunglasses”.

“They are aren’t they?” he said moving his head from side to side to show them off.

Suddenly he flicked down the shades, started talking to his elbow, flicked them up again then ordered a glass of wine.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“They are the latest thing in mobile phone technology”, he said. “There’s a microphone in my sleeve and these shades are actually screens”.

He suddenly farted then dashed off to the gentlemen’s room. When he came back he  was trailing several feet of toilet paper from the back of his trousers.

“Sorry about that” he said, “I’m receiving a fax”.

That was several years ago. I’ve not seen him since.

I’ve just had a phone embedded in my tooth. They’re the latest thing you know!

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for Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt where the given word is Widdershins and the limit, 75 words .

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“Keef?” he asked. “I’m drivin’ you to the airport”.

I jumped in.

“I’m Widdy,” he said heading off in the wrong direction. 

“Unusual name,” said I as he drove the opposite way down a one-way street.

“Short for Widdershins,” he said, attempting an anti-clockwise circuit of a roundabout.”

“Why Widdershins?” I asked as we entered the park via the exit. 

“Something to with me being born bum-first,” he said directing me towards the wrong gate.

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By the way,  widdershins means in the wrong or contrary direction, or anticlockwise! 

for Six Sentence Stories where the given word is Shelter.

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I’ve just opened my curtain, just a little because it’s grey out there, very grey and it’s raining, not proper rain, just dreary drizzle. 

I turned off the news channel because it’s all bad news about fuel prices going up, interest rates going up, infections going up; it goes on and on. 

The last thing I heard didn’t surprise me, as apparently today, the third Monday of January is officially the most depressing day of the year, it’s called Blue Monday.

I’m off to work now and pacing around under a shelter about to take a boring bus trip on a rain-soaked road to get there and when I do everyone will be miserable, customers and staff alike. 

But let’s look on the bright side, in about fifteen hours the most depressing day of the year will be behind us for another twelve months! 

Having said that I’ve just heard tomorrow’s weather forecast and it’s much the same as today’s but at least it won’t be the third Monday of January! 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting.

for Friday Fictioneers.

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I was in the kid’s section of the library when my friend Rosey strolled around the corner.  She asked what I was after.  ‘Dahl books’, I said.

Ever helpful, she suggested I try the science section because those books are really dull.

‘No, books by Roald Dahl,’ I said.

She said her favourite of his is The Twit! Can’t think why!

She wanted a book on French Cuisine. ‘Look in the Quizzing section,’ I said.  She thought for a moment, pulled a face then punched my shoulder!

I’ve just had a text inviting me round to try her ‘cockinavan’.  I can’t wait! 

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting and to Ted Strutz for the picture.

Click Froggie to join in the fun!

 

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There are lots more Rosey stories here –

for Wordless Wednesday and others!

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Staying very close to home this week – the end of my road in fact!

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For Sadje’s What Do You See? prompt.

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I was exhausted. I’d been climbing for what seemed an eternity. I stopped to catch my breath.  Shading my eyes, I gazed skyward. I was almost there. I could do it, I knew I could.

I entered the pub to a round of applause from my friends.  Jack patted me on the back, Jane hugged me , John handed me a pint! I was so proud.

“What, you made it all the way to Hilltop Inn on foot?” chuckled Landlord Larry. 

“I did,” I said. “I didn’t come by car like that lazy lot, I walked all the way here. I climbed the hill!”

“Hardly mountaineering,” shouted Lionel, “but well-done mate!“

So, what’s next?” asked Laurie.

“Well,” I said, “I’m going to use the steps up to my friend Rosey’s flat rather than using the lift next time I visit her.”

As I received a second round of applause, I sat back and basked in my glory!

 

for Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt where the given word is Cave and the limit just 34 words.

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I’m in a cave. My footsteps echo.

             pitpitpatpatpitpitpatpat…

I sing, ‘lalala’. 

              lalalalalalalala…

I sidle through a gap. It’s dark.

I shout ‘hello’. I hear an echo.

              farewellfarewellfare…

I shiver. I turn. Where’s the gap?

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for Six Sentence Stories where the given word is Juice.

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Years ago on the slopes of Bordeaux,

a harvest in the sun.

Plump purple grapes were flung into crates,

and the ritual had begun.

 

Trodden and squeezed the juice was released,

a taste of things to come.

Five years to soak in barrels of oak,

the vintner’s task was done.

 

Finally bottled and labelled and corked,

boxed and sent away.

Then opened and poured, savoured, adored,

on this, its finest day!

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting.

 

for Friday Fictioneers

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I can see everything from up here.  I can see you!

I sit among the clouds.  White ones are the most comfortable, soft and fluffy.  Grey ones aren’t so good, I get a damp bottom, but it’s worthwhile. 

You’d be amazed what I saw happening on the beach yesterday, my binoculars steamed up!  As for the goings-on behind beach hut twenty-two, words fail me. I had to pop my eyes back!

I bet you’re wondering if I saw what you did the other day. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe. 

And if you believe any of that twaddle …. you’re sillier than me!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting and to Bradley Harris for the picture.

 

Click on Froggie to join in the fun!

For Wordless Wednesday and others!

It’s a horrid cold grey damp day today so I thought I post some pictures I took just five months ago at Sheffield Park in West Sussex!

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Click on pic to enlarge and improve.

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By the way, this was taken close to the same spot as the previous picture 3 months ago!

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