Bexhill’s iconic De La Warr Pavillion, which is currently undergoing a multi-million pound refurbishment, hosted MASS, a celebration of modern 3D art by artists from across our beautiful county of Sussex.
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On the Terrace
On the Sun Deck – where the grass used to be green!
On the roof – ‘Stitch for Change’
The Auditorium – ‘Mass Exposure’, artists selling their work.
Back outside – we listened to Sound Sculptures, here’s few seconds worth!
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…and Madam kept an eye on thing as we enjoyed a little refreshment!
I quite enjoy being a statue, it’s great being able to watch people without being asked what I’m staring at!
Here comes another lot, time to put on my stony face expression again, pardon the pun!
It was funny the other day, a bloke looked down from the balcony and said to his wife, ‘I wish you had a pair like that’, and he got a slap around the face!
Here come twenty old folk with the tour guide. They stop as one, turn as one, start moving as one like a human murmuration. Listen to them, ‘how interesting, goodness me, well I never, that’s fascinating, isn’t she beautiful Doris’.
I say, look at this handsome young man! Try stroking in my marble young man. Ooh, cheeky boy!
Oh good, the lights are going out and it’s time to join One Tit Tina and Noseless Nick for our nightly chat. Headless Harold too, no doubt he’ll be talking out of his you-know-where as usual!
It was a windy morning and I was strolling along the strand watching the foaming water ebb and flow as the waves crashed ashore.
You know how it is when you spot something and have a sudden urge to get your hands on it? In the Beach Bites cafe window were cakes of many colours and one stood out, a red velvet one. I couldn’t resist it so went inside and asked for piece.
It was delicious, seductive even. It’s at times like that my mind strays to another place, modesty prevents me from saying where! It even attracted the attention of a bee which began creeping across the table in my cake’s direction. Suddenly the inner poet in me appeared, it often does in such dreamlike situations…
Bumble bee, that is not funny
Now buzz off and make some honey.
Not bad, eh?
As I ate the last crumb and licked the plate I wondered if I could cook a red velvet cake myself.
Early the next morning, there I was stirring and churning. Was I actually making one I hear you ask? No, I’m a builder, not a baker, I was mixing cement!
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Thanks to Brenda for hosting The Sunday Whirl where this week’s given words are – waves cake strays strand churning spot buzz colours sudden flow early and stirring
Landlord Len likes nothing more than putting on a function, and last Sunday he hosted his favourite, The Great Baaamy Bake Off when folk bring their creations along to the marquee in the pub garden, from pavlovas to bread rolls; as usual, last to arrive was Bella, or Bella la’Ball as she calls herself, she likes to make a grand entrance and she swept into the tent carrying her bakes whilst wearing the skimpiest of dresses imaginable, “her buns looked magnificent!”, said Ted – “her food was quite nice too”, said Bert!
There are regular functions ar the village hall too, and over at the knitting circle Natalie was talking about her recent success at the annual dog show, “my dog Waverley won the Fastest Tail Wagging Contest again”, she said, “you should have seen it go, but one dog wagged so slowly and gracefully it actually hypnotised one of the judges; anyway, during the heatwave I thought about making a fan that I could attatch to Waverley’s tail to keep me cool, it could even be a business opportunity – I could make some and flog them to pet shops!”
“I’m not sure it’s true”, said Babs, “but someone told me about a dog that talked, it told people about how it rescued people from mountains and led lost people through forests, well, its owner decided to sell it and when asked why, he said ‘because it was a liar and never did anything like that’.
Colin cleared his throat, “ahem” he went, then he was off – “no-one turned up at the Indian food festival, it was a naan event – sausage festivals are the wurst – my dog’s clever, I asked what’s two minus two, and it said nothing – I went to an Ugliest Dog Contest and came first, my dog came third – a cat won the dog show, cat-has-trophy – I bought a dog from a blacksmith, when we got home he made a bolt for the door – my dog used to chase people on a bike a lot, eventually I took it’s bike away – I won a weather forcasting competition, I beat the raining champion – the art contest ended in a draw – I can’t function without my glasses, especially when they are empty – if you were 8 when Red Red Wine was released, UB40 now – I thought drinking wine would improve my French but it was all in vin – wine in a box is Cardboardeaux – my wife hates it when I mess with her wine, just now I put some lemonade and fruit in it and now she’s sangria than ever…..”
Len has just had a new Guinness tap installed, but it’s refusing to function correctly, when he tries to pour a pint it gushes out, splashing and soaking his sleeves; it reminded Arthur about the time Len laid on a function to celebrate 25 years of marriage to his now dearly departed Maggie, “he was dressed in his finest bib and tucker, a smart suit and a bow tie and when he tried to open a bottle of wine he suffered a corkscrew malfunction and ended up with red wine all down his pristine white shirt!”.
Everybody had left, and having overheard the conversation Len was thinking back to that very occasion, “it was such a shame, Maggie”, he muttered, “I’ve never got over it” – ‘it was‘, she whispered in his ear, ‘such a waste of wine!’.
Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Storieswhere the given word is Function.
The hotel was delightful, my room perfect and the staff charming.
I went down to the restaurant for a meal. It looked amazing. I asked for a table, and the receptionist said, “I’m afraid we’re busy now, sir, would you mind waiting for a while?”
“Of course not”, I replied.
“In that case”, she said, “take these drinks to table twelve and collect those empty dishes from table sixteen”.
I laughed thinking she was joking – then she handed me a tray of wine glasses.
At least I earned enough in tips to buy a burger from McDonalds down the street!
This is the Culbaba Theatre exhibit. It’s a charitable organisation based in Bexhill-on-Sea, founded by Ukrainian women now living in the UK. They are dedicated to preserving and presenting authentic Ukrainian traditional song, ritual and theatrical heritage.
Work in progress!
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Awaiting the flypast..
The Royal British Legion Band
Fancy a listen?
Meanwhile, out at sea…
At the Pavillion there was record Fair going on!
I could go on, but I’ll stop here!
NEXT WEEK –
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…Meet Artists Shaping Sussex, a festival of 3D Art in and around our wonderful De La Warr Pavilion!
Percy was a pianist of note, and he was performing at the Piano Bar when things went wonbly-woo. Plinkity-plonk-plinkity-plonk…nothing. Plonkity-plink-plonkity-plink… nothing.
He’d been playing The Flight of the Bumble Bee when B flat went missing.
‘Come out come out wherever you are’, he yelled as he searched through the piano strings.
C minor hadn’t seen it; neither had A. .F told him that it had, erm, gone off!
In fact, halfway through the piece B flat decided that being a bumble bee would be far more fun than being constantly bonked, so off he buzzed off to make honey.
It was a beautiful evening at The Baaamy Inn and Landlord Len had invited some of the regulars to join him in the garden and sit around his fire pit leaving bartender Brenda to look after things inside; “these flames remind me”, he said, “I know it’s a while away but I’ve been thinking about Bonfire Night and maybe we should go traditional this year and have an effigy burning atop the fire, your scarecrows are outstanding in their field, Arthur, so I wondered if you could make us one that looks like Guy Fawkes” – you should have heard the guffaws!
“I remember going on a camping trip when I was a Boy Scout” said Ted, “one evening our leaders thought they’d cook some burgers over a fire, and decided to light it by rubbing a couple of sticks together, well, it was ages before a spark appeared and ages more before the logs caught alight by which time we were starving hungry – they were both smokers so why on earth they didn’t just use a cigarette lighter or match we had no idea!”
“I caught my farm hand smoking weed while herding up the cattle”, said Bert, “I told him that if he did it again I’d have to fire him, after all, there’s a chance it could have an affect the meat, and the steaks are pretty high”.
“Before you know it, it’ll be time to light the log fire again”, said Babs, “so yesterday I got in touch with Sootie Saul the chimney sweep to clean mine, he was telling me that in times gone by they sent children up chimneys to clear them, I assume they gave up because chimneys became slimmer, anyway he said he was watching a robot lawn mower and thought they should invent a robot chimney sweeper – there was one downside though, it is still customary to invite a chimney sweep to a wedding for good luck which is a nice little earner, but to be there with a machine on your shoulder rather than a brush just wouldn’t seem the same!”
“Socks are like Boy Scouts”, said Colin, “they come pre-paired – tinder is useless without a single match – camping is intense – my jacket caught fire, it was a blazer – my doctor asked if I smoked or drank alcahol, I said I drank it – fishes smoke seaweed – the price of chimneys is going through the roof – I got a free chimney, it was on the house – a flame smells like burnt nose hair – I burnt 2000 calories, ! forgot to take the chocolate brownie out of the oven – the match factory burned down when they went on strike – quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it hundreds of times……..”.
After a successful evening Len sat back in his armchair and thought how much his dearly departed Maggie would have enjoyed it out there in the garden; “I had such fun”, he muttered – ‘I know’, whispered Maggie, ‘but make sure you shower before coming to bed, you stink of smoke!’
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where the given word is Fire!
*Incase you are a non-Brit baffled by the chimney sweeps at weddings reference –
The tradition of chimney sweeps bringing good fortune dates back hundreds of years. In the 18th century, King George III was famously saved by a sweep after his carriage horses bolted. The sweep stepped forward to stop the runaway horses, saving the king’s life.
In gratitude, the king declared chimney sweeps to be symbols of luck and allowed them the rare honour of attending royal weddings. From there, the custom spread across Britain, and it became common for newlyweds to invite a sweep to their ceremony or reception to bless the marriage with prosperity, fertility, and happiness.
“I know, he’s certainly a man of many layers”, I replied as I put down my book, “as the saying goes, one should never judge an onion by it’s skin, or something like that”.
That’s not what I mean”, she said, dabbing her cheeks with a tissue, ”he’s forever driving me to tears, happy tears, sad tears”.
“Oh, now I understand. Dry your eyes and let me buy you a drink and a packet of crisps, what flavour would you like?
“Sour cream and onion please!”, she said as she cracked a smile.
