Keith's Ramblings

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Beware, there’s a rude word hidden in the Knitwit’s sentence, I hope Len doesn’t hear it or I’ll be in all sorts of trouble!

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Welcome back to The Baaamy Inn where farmer Arthur seems to be in a little bit of pain, “I had my Covid jab this morning, and I’m feeling rather sore, when I got home my grandson told me that lots of injections are given in vain, then he walked away laughing his little head off – the other day he told me to open the medicine cabinet quietly so as not to wake up the sleeping pills, he does say the oddest things!”

“I was talking to Sally  the surgery nurse the other day”, said Babs, “they do get some peculiar patients, one bloke told the doctor he was a bit puzzled because he’s having strange premonitions, Doc asked him when it started and he said, ‘next Tuesday’, another patient said ‘I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time, and I think I’ve forgotten this before’!”

Over at the knitting circle Natilie was speaking quietly so Landlord Len couldn’t hear her, “a few of us went to The Fish Inn the other night, the puzzles in their pub quiz are far more fun than the ones here, anyway, we needed a name for our team, United Friends, Friends United, Clever Friends, Friendly Five, the names kept coming, then, tongue firmly in cheek, I suggested Friends Using Combined Knowledge and we should go by its acronym – it took them a while to get the joke after which we settled on The Baaamy Bunch!”

“There were two blokes sitting over there yesterday”, said Ted, “they’d clearly had a little too much to drink, well, one guy addopted  a puzzled expression said to other, ‘you look familiar where are you from?’, and he replied ‘Dublin’, and then the first bloke said ‘me too, what a coincidence, where in Dublin?’ and the other one said ‘O’Donnel street’ and the first one said ‘me too, what what a small world’ – then Len came over and told me they were the Murphy twins, and they aways get a bit confused after a few pints of the black stuff!” – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet and started singing her favourite Irish song – “You’re drunk, you’re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see….”

Colin’s moment had arrived, “my Nan thought she was doing a jigsaw puzzle of a chicken, I told to put the cornflakes back in the box – the inventor of the jigsaw puzzle died, his wife’s in pieces – the crossword clue was ‘four letters, do something dishonestly’, I thought about Googing the answer but I didn’t wasnt to cheat – I draw the line at join-the-dot puzzles – a fake sudoku is a pseudo-ku – the Egyptian boy seemed puzzled when his Daddy died and became a Mummy – the ant was confused because his uncles were ants –  it bugs me when people confuse etymology and entomology – I went to the doctor because I had hearing problems, he asked me to describe the symptoms and I said Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair – the puzzled panda was bamboo-zled……!

Len was thinking about how much his dearly departed Maggie loved the monkey puzzle tree on the village green, ‘you always said it the only puzzle that no one knew the answer to’, Len muttered – ‘except the monkey, Len!’, she whispered in his ear.

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Incase you are unfamiliar with Suzie’s favourite Irish song and wish to hear it – here goes!

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Puzzle.

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“I needed a brick wall in my garden to separate my wonderful floral displays from my legendary vegetables. I found a builder claiming  to an expert, although you can’t always believe what tradesmen tell you, they can be a bit boastful.

I was telling him about my recent achievements, stuff I’d done, things I’d won. I was surprised he’d not heard of me, after all I am quite a celebrity around here.

But look at that. Why the odd shaped portal?”

“You’ve got such a big head, he probably wanted to ensure you could get could through without bumping it!”

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Click Froggie to visit the squares!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers

PHOTO PROMPT © Fleur Lind

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For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

Welcome back to the Footbridge Gallery at Bexhill-on-Sea train station where a new collection of pictures has been assembled, many of which are in recognition of our Chamber of Commerces’ 100 year anniversary and the Bexhill 100 Motoring Club.

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Click images if you wish to enlarge them

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Live in Bexhill until I’m 100? We’ll sea!

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I have been meaning to read that book for ages. It’s by Poppy Field, a story about some drug dealers and it’s called No ‘ope – I am determined to read it!

I went to the book shop with my mate Page the other day hoping to find a copy. I did, but it was on the top shelf and slightly out of reach. Page poked it with her umbrella hoping to dislodge it, but instead, the one next to it called Watch Out tumbled down and hit me on the head.

We had another idea. I took a book called The Step from the shelf and stood on it. Almost there but I still couldn’t reach it. We placed a copy of Your Highness on top, but it still wasn’t high enough.

Page got the thickest book she cold find from the dictionary department and added it to the pile. A couple of shop assistants appeared and they saw us. 

To cut a long story short – and No ‘ope is a very long story – I purchased a copy and it’s the most boring book I’ve ever read.

There’s another book I’ve been meaning to read for ages. It’s by Libbi Ray and it’s called Quiet Please. I saw it on the top shelf in the library. I decided to borrow a book by Justin Reach instead!

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Writing this silly story reminded me of something I posted back in 2013…..

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I can see it

just up there

I can’t reach it,

that’s not fair!

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If I grab this leg

and shake

it may fall down!

but it might break

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Even stood

on tippy-toes

how I’ll get it

heaven knows

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Suppose I climb

up on this chair?

I don’t like heights

don’t think I dare

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If I clamber

on the shelf

I might fall

and hurt myself

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It’s not fair

I’ll let it be

it’s not easy

being three

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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

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It was the day of the annual Cross Country Race. Paul Derry, Powdery to his mates was more determined than ever to improve  upon his previous year’s performances. He’d had enough of coming in last and winning the booby prize, this time he had his eye on the big one, a chocolate medal and a bottle of prosecco.

Twenty would-be be winners stood in a line. A celebrity that no one had heard of popped a balloon and off they dashed.

Ignoring every one else, he ran along the path, trudged up a slope, got soaked crossing a stream, tumbled into a hollow, picked him self up carried on. The track was wide then narrow, a twist then a turn. He remained focused as if in a trance-like state.

It was then he saw it. That must be the pub at the end of this years trail, the picture on the sign looked right.

Puffing and panting, he ventured inside the Ruddy Duck Inn. It was almost empty, not one of his competitors were there. He’d won, he told himself, he’d actually won! How rare was that?

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A couple of miles away the other nineteen runners were enjoying several well deserved drinks in The Dirty Drake.

“Where’s Powdery got to?” asked one.

”Looks like he’s coming last again!”,  said another.

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This week’s words at The Sunday Whirl are – wide line self hollow rare track twist eye trance trudge powder empty – I admit to taking the liberty with one or two!

Thank you Brenda.  

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Thanks to Sammi Cox for hosting the Weekend Writing Prompt

I was at a loose end today, so I thought I’d get Suno to set an old poem of mine to music! Here’s what happened.

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She sits and stares
unfocused eyes swimming to the horizon
Gazing into infinity

No sign of tears
Her expressionless face an empty canvas
A sea of pallor

I look into her eyes
I see nothing but a swirling mist of grey
That sparkle gone

I try to ask her why
a cloud of despair envelopes her
She hears me not

But I will wait
I’ll stay by her side for as long as it takes
for her to return

But for now
She inhabits a sorrowful place of her own
Somewhere

I know not where

 

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The bluebells, primroses and tulips signalled that Spring had well and truly sprung in The Baaamy Inn’s garden and Gary had finished getting it looking neat and tidy, all Len needed now were some new benches, the ones with a long table tops and plank-like seats either side, the old ones were well past their best; they still talk about the time Big Bob plonked himself down quite heavily on one sending himself crashing to the ground whilst see-sawing little Lucy up into the air and spilling red wine all down her lovely lace dress!

One of Landlord Len’s pet hates, and he has several, is people sitting staring at their mobile phones, he wished he could block their signal; today the main culprit was Arthur; “I just got a message from my granddaughter, it says, ahem, ‘‘hi how u doin. c-in b tomoz. 4t u mite cum 2. gd. luv Mol’ , well, I hadn’t a clue what it meant so I just tried messaging  her back and cos I have difficulty typing I used predictive text – this is what I sent – ‘Hell mule. Watch was yolk massage a boot. I did nut undertake it. Plaice cool me. Are there.’

“My grandson’s learning to drive”, said Ted, “I was telling him how we used to use hand signals before cars had indicators, arm straight out for turning right, round and round when turning left, up’n down when slowing down – which reminds me, the other day Henpecked Harold was driving along when a police car behind him turned on its blues and two’s which he realised was their signal for him to stop; he wound down his window and the cop asked if he knew the passenger door had opened and his wife had fallen out, Harold said ‘thank goodness for that, I though I’d gone deaf!’ “

Over at the knitting circle, Phyllis had overheard the conversation and started telling her fellow knitwits about her mother who’s recently moved into a care home; “she’s having difficulty hearing, so being nimble fingered I though I’d learn a few common phrases in sign language, well, yesterday I signed ‘hello mum, hope you are well’, Deaf Daphne on the other side of the lounge gave me a thumbs up so I knew I’d done okay, however mum gave me a funny look and said it looked like I was having a fit and asked if I needed a nurse – then it dawned on me, just because you have no hearing doesn’t mean you atomatically understand sign language! 

She wasn’t the only one listening in to the conversations, so was Colin, “I tried calling my fiance, I got the engaged signal –  my friend asked his phone why he was still single and it activated the selfie mode – I don’t get a good signal in the cemetery, it’s a dead spot – the phone went to jail charged with battery, it’s now a cell phone – I dropped my phone in the bath, it’s now synching – German girls all have the same number, whenever I ask them what it is they say 999-9999 – my friend got married under a phone mast, the wedding was odd but the reception was excellent – I took a test waving signal flags and passed with flying colours – the lawyer got pulled over because he didn’t use an attorney signal – sign language is very handy – I know several jokes in sign language that nobody’s ever heard…..”

Len rang the bell, called time and everybody headed homeward; as he closed the door and turned the key in the lock he heard a tapping sound then felt his dearly departed Maggie’s presence in the bar, “they’re not a bad lot, are they Maggie?” he muttered, “they are the closest thing I have to a family now” – ‘except for me’, she whispered in his ear, ‘I’m still your significant other!’

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Signal.

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Transparent Trevor I called him. I could look into his pale blue eyes and have a good idea what he was thinking. To me, they were the  windows of his mind.

He was never the same after his beloved Jane passed away. He hardly spoke and rarely left the house. His eyes became hazy, I could no longer see through them. 

Each day he would wake at sunrise, stare from his window and watch the world go by. Then the sun would set. The next day it would set sooner, the next day sooner still. 

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset……sunset.

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Prod Froggie to visit the squares.

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers‘

 

For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various

Last week we walked along the cliffs in Bexhill-on-Sea. Eleven miles to the west, the cliffs are very different for instead of sandstone they are chalk!.

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They stretch twelve miles along the coast from Eastbourne to Seaford. I walk there often, and these are just some of the pictures I’ve taken over the years. You may have seen a few of them before.

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Up we go!

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This is one of the most photographed views in the UK. The cottages have featured in many a TV series and quite a few movies!

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I think this one speaks for itself.

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By the way, you were in good company, the King was pictured here six week’s ago!

 

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