.
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“You stink Arthur, what have you been up to?” asked Colin, “I’ve been muck spreading” he replied, “getting the fields ready for this year’s crop”; “hopefully it’ll be a wet summer,” said Ted, ”cos you know what they say – no rain, no grain!”
“How’s your Gran, Ted?” asked Suzie, “she’s okay, instead of lying about her age she brags about it nowadays”; “I was in church with mine on Sunday and she whispered ‘I’ve just let out a silent fart, what should I do?’, so I said ‘get a new battery for your hearing aid!”
“Blimey, they’ve grown”, said Ted, staring inappropriately at Suzies bulging boobies; “I thought you’d be impressed” she replied, “but actually it’s because I’m wearing my new figure-enhancing tit-sling!”
“What’s with the grin, Colin?” asked Babs, “I just remember a joke,” he said, “what did the bra say to the hat? …you go on a head while I give these two a lift!”; “OY, I’ll have no vulgarity in my pub!” yelled Landlord Len.
“Seen the green?” asked Arthur, “there’s a big tent there, what’s that for?”, “they’re holding a Spring flower show”, replied Colin, “my good lady’s taking part, you should see her tulips”; “just wait til you see mine next week”, said Suzie “I’m having lip augmint…augmont…fillers done” – Suzie was somewhat puzzled by the plethora of groans and grunts her announcement received, so she decided against mentioning the bottom-boosting knickers she was thinking of purchasing!
“If I was able to grant you a wish, what would it be?” asked Arthur; “to buy me a pint”, said Ted, “a G&T”, said Babs, “a scotch”, said Colin, “a Singapore Sling”, said Suzie … Arthur wished he hadn’t asked!
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Thanks to Denise for hosting Six Sentence Stories This week’s word is Grain … to which I’ve added grown, gran, grin, green, groans, grunts and grant!
Hilarious groaners … or is it grainers?!
Both! Thanks, Nancy!
Hahaha I actually liked Colin’s joke. Never a dull moment at the inn.
One of his better ones! Thanks, Maria.
A lively conversation 😂
It usually is with that lot! Cheers, Sadje.
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
My fave part is that Gran stopped lying about her age, and now brags about it–way to go! I’m rather smug about my age since, for some reason, people always think I’m much younger…and I don’t do anything whatesoever to enhance my appearance. I’m plain as dirt.
Lucky you, I’d love to be asked for age verification in pub when ordering a drink!
you got me in the opening sentence “…cos you know what they say – no rain, no grain!”
Now I’m rackin’ my brain pan for a grain pun*
*ayiee desperate times produce questionable pleasures…. no, I will stop now… push away from the keyboard before this gets ugly
lol
fun as always
Keep rackin’ and if at first you don’t suceed, try a grain!
Oh, my, but these are some fun characters.
They’re a crazy bunch, that’s for sure!
I especially liked the response to the silent fart: “get a new battery for your hearing aid” Nice tale!
Thanks Frank, I hope she heeded it!
I have tears of laughter rolling down my face.
I could have hoped for nothing more!
What fun again!
There’s never a dull moment at The Baaarmy Inn!