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With Summer drawing to a close, Landlord Len decided to fire up a Baaabecue in the pub garden, it’s not often the regulars get to see shy chef Shiela, she always enters by the back door, cooks, cleans up then leaves by the back door, so being surrounded by hungry people begging for burgers was not something she enjoyed; Len told everybody to form a line, “that’s why it’s called a barbe-queue not a barbe-crowd”, he shouted!
“I fancy a cigarette”, said Fred, “but Len wouldn’t like it, I remember the time a bloke lit one up and Len told him he had No Smoking rules and the guy said, ‘I know you don’t which is why I come here rather than pubs that do have them – which reminds me, I saw someone smoking two cigarettes an once, he said one was for him and the other for his brother who was in prison, well, next time I saw him he was only smoking one, so I asked if his brother had been released and he said, ‘no, I’ve given up smoking’ !”
“I had to fire one of my staff the other day”, said Arthur, “he always misunderstood everything I told him to do, apparently he often got sacked for that very reason; when he worked at the bubblewrap factory his boss gave him a roll of the stuff and told him to pop it in the corner – it took him all afternoon, he even got fired from the zoo because he took the signs on the cages saying ‘do not feed the animals’ literally”.
“Simon the Fireman got fired for inappropriate behavour”, said knitter Natalie, “they were called to fire at the Naughty But Nice night club and it turned out to be a false alarm, well, while Simon was checking it out he entered the lounge bar where there was a hen party going on and the girls assumed he was a stripper; he thought, ’why not’, and took off his uniform – he’s now going to make a career of it, he says he prefers having his cheeks licked by ladies than by flames!”
“A Mexican fireman had twins”, said Colin, “he named one José and the other Hose B – I was told to test my fire alarm once a month, it’s cost me a fortune in houses – the match factory burnt down when the workers went on strike – a jacket that catches fire is a blazer – if you see a fireman, put it out, man – a guy got fired from the calender factory for taking too many days off – the Pepsi employee was fired when he tasted positive for Coke – I burnt 1200 calories when I left the pizza in the oven too long – 3 Barbies in a line is a BBQ – a line of men waiting for a haircut is a barbercue – I went to a silent barbecue and ate sheesh kebabs – I burnt my Hawaiian pizza, I should have had my oven on aloa setting – the Italian pastry chef was injured, we cannoli hope he makes a full recovery – my wife’s a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm for a timer….”
Len looked down at the fireplace and for a moment he saw his dearly departed Maggie stacking logs, one upon another in the hearth; “you’ll always be the fire that warms my heart”, he muttered to himself – ‘and you are the flickering flame that dances in my soul’, she whispered.
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Fire
So many, but my favourite has to be the cigarette/s episode, great humour.
Thanks, Len, pleased you enjoyed all that silliness!
Hilarious puns Keith and a lovely ending
Thank you so much, Sadje.
*Sadje, my last few comments on your blog don’t seem to have appeared, be assured I’m still following you!
Okay, I’ll check the spam.
Rescued 3 comments from spam. Sorry 😅
Funny stuff about the smoker with a brother in prison. 😁
I added that bit as an afterthought. I’m pleased it worked!
Hilarious concept!
I love these, Keith. I am still chuckling at the guy with two cigarettes. Lol!
You as well, I’m pleased! Thanks, Suzette.
Nice ones from Colin especially, “I was told to test my fire alarm once a month, it’s cost me a fortune in houses”.
Thanks so much, Frank!
damn! the joint is hot tonight! too many to cite…ceptin’ the first which provided me fair warning:
“…Baaabecue”
no! serially, that cracked me up!
good Six
Off to a good start then! Thank you.
i love the simon the fireman bit, i’m a huge fan of firefighters ( and their uniforms)
Haha! Really?
one of my daughters is married to an aussie and her mother in law sends me a firefighters calendar periodically. it’s for charity )
I smile and laugh through every visit to the Baaamy. Thank you for the great fun!
That’s made my day, thank you, Mimi!
Just brill! And another burger over there for me (that’s yum, I’m saying)!
Thanks, Chris. On its way – catch!
These fire puns are absolutely hilarious! The guy smoking two cigarettes really cracked me up. Reading through this silliness is the perfect distraction while I’m stuck at home waiting for my couch cleaners to finally finish up. Thanks for the laughs!
The regulars and I are delighted to have amused you, Jeanie!
Good as always Keith.
Thanks, Di, I’m pleased you liked it.
Colin is really on fire this week, Keith 😅 “‘no, I’ve given up smoking’ !” Fred’s a funny guy too!
Oh yes! I can’t believe how well that ciggie joke went down!
Ooh. What a way to start my Monday morning. With chuckles on the bus haha. The last part was actually sweet.