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“Sorry I’m late”, said Babs as she entered The Baaamy Inn, “I needed to check on the sheep because the lambing season’s about to kick off, you wouldn’t believe how many ewes are up the duff; a lovely lady called Linda’s going to help me this year, she used to work in the maternity ward at the hospital and she’s delivered hundreds of babies, but she had a midwife crisis and decided to change careers, she fancied giving me a hand just for old time’s sake!”
“A girl applied for a job on my farm once”, said Arthur, “I thought I’d start by checking her animal recognition skills; I took her to the paddock and asked which ones were ones sheep and which ones were goats, then to the chicken shed and asked which were hens and which ones were roosters, then up to the top field, well, she asked me why all of the cows except one had horns so I said ‘some are born with horns and some not, some lose their horns and some have them removed, and by the way, that’s a horse’ ”.
Over at the knitting circle Polly was putting the finishing touches to a black and white check jumper, “it’s for my son, he’s taking part in the chess championships and I thought he might like to wear something approproiate; he gets his love of chess from his grandad, after he died we went through his things and as well as his beloved chess set we found a draughts board, scrabble, snakes and ladders and several crossword puzzle books – we had no idea he had such a checkered past!”.
“Talking of checks”, said George, “my missus went for a check up with the doctor yesterday, he told her she had the body of a twenty year old; I asked her what he said about her fat ass, and she said ‘he didn’t mention your name’, bloody cheek! – ”OY” yelled Landlord Len, “watch your language!”
“A group of chess players checked into a hotel in readiness for a tournament”, said Colin the Comic, “they were in the lobby discusing their recent victories when the manager asked them to disperse because he didn’t want chess nuts boasting in an open foyer – if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep you get two animals that are in a baaaad moooood – a flock tumbling down a hill is a lambslide – a really fast sheep is a lamb-orghini – I crossed a sheep with a kangaroo to make a wooly jumper – in December, chickens celebrate eggs-mas – a cat swallowed a ball of wool and had mittens – I asked my wife to check if my car’s indicators were working and she said yes, no, yes, no, yes, no – checking obituaries first thing is my mourning routine – a man was standing on one leg in a bank, he was checking his balance……”
Earlier in the day Len checked out the pub’s insurance policy; he‘s not one for making up jokes, but as he climbed into bed he looked across to where his his long lost Maggie used to lay and said, “apparently if our duvet’s stolen in the middle of the night, we’re not covered!” – he was sure he heard her chuckle!.
Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Check
How many puns you have made with check!
I lost count! Thanks, Sadje.
I enjoy reading your six Keith. You’re very welcome.
Hilarious story Keith. Love the cat and mittens and the checkered past. You are a master of puns! Cheers.
Thanks, Suzette, I like simple pleasures!
– chess nuts boasting in an open foyer – Brilliant!
Thanks Nancy, I’ve been waiting ages to use that one!
😂
I definitely would have laughed at that last one, even if I was long gone….)
Me too, Beth!
Love it!
Thanks, Di!
You’ve left me with a smile, especially on the stolen duvet!
That’s what I like to hear! Thanks, Mimi.
Aha, some great board games! Love those, apart from chess, too difficult for me.
Me too, not for the lack of trying!
I have the body of a twenty-year-old too- but it’s kept in a box underneath the bed! You never cease to make me laugh Keith!
You’ve got what? You never cease to surprise me, Jodi!
Hehehe 🤣😂
fave:
“…some are born with horns and some not, some lose their horns and some have them removed, and by the way, that’s a horse’ ”.
bar rum bump!
liked the chess pun
fun Six
Delighted to have amused you, kind sir!
Nice one from Colin: “if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep you get two animals that are in a baaaad moooood”
The simpest ones are often the best! Thanks, Frank.
I have to wonder if most of this stuff comes to you in your sleep–because if you had to think it all up during the day, when would you have a chance to eat? You’re still the funny man.
Haha! No, I always keep a note of puns I hear and wait for the opportunity to use them. Eating clocks is time consuming, so I tend to stick to simpler foods!
You must have a huge tome of puns!
I have!
Enjoyed reading this Keith…