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It was just another evening at The Baaamy Inn and usual the chat was flowing as rapidly as the beer; “the wife and I went for a coffee with Jane and John t’other day”, said Arthur, “they told us they’ve decided to renew their wedding vows, Jane said she’ll wear the same silver shoes she wore the first time round and John said, ‘yep, silver to match your hair’ – Jane looked at his shiny head and said ‘I guess you’ll be coming barefoot then’!’’
Bert had joined them, Dirty Berty as he’s known due to the fact that he’s always covered from head to foot in splodges of mud; “my lady is obsessed with cleanliness”, he said, “yesterday I found her in the chicken shed polishing the hen’s beaks, she said she’s fed up with me always looking filthy, so I reminded her that farming is a dirty business, and anyway, I have a bath once a week to which she replied “yes, you love lounging a pool of filthy water”, if she goes first I promise I’ll play the Hippopotomus song at her funeral!” – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet and started to sing, “mud mud glorious mud, there’s nothing quite like it for cooling the blood!”
“Do you remember the time Dick the Vic officiated at a nudist wedding?”, asked Babs, “he was asked to undress accordingly which didn’t please him, so in the end they agreed to let him wear one thing, his dog collar; the bride had flowers in her hair and the groom a posy tied to his you-know-what and the vows went something like ‘to love, honour and obey, in dress and undress’, well at the end of the service they all sat down and Dick felt a prick when he sat on a thistle and uttered an inappropriate expletive for a man of the cloth – even though he wasn’t wearing one at the time!
Dick, aka the Reverend Richard is known for his sense of humour, he once wrote a prayer for Landlord Len which sits in a frame at the end of the bar – our lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink, I will be drunk at home as in the tavern, give us this day our frothy head and forgive us our spillages as we forgive those who spill against us, and lead us not into incarceration but deliver us from hang overs, for thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager, forever and ever, barmen.
“I asked my wife if she wanted to renew our wedding vows” said Colin, “she said two wrongs don’t make a right – I vowed to love her 24/7, so remind me to give her a kiss on the twenty-forth of July – what animal swears the most? a hippopottymouth – a mouse that swears is a cursor – I thought I was done with stealing but I took an oath today, I swear I’ll give it back – I swear I’ll kill somebody if they fire me, said the bullet – I have a plastic surgery voucher I no longer want, I’ll sell for face value – I keep vouchers in the fridge so they don’t expire …..”.
Len has a photo of their wedding on his bedside table, he always looks at it for a few moments after he climbs beneath the duvet, then he turns his head towards the empty pillow that lays alongside his; all that talk of vows brought back a happy memory of those they made on their day; “I promise to always be the bubbles in your champagne”, he muttered – “I promise to always be the froth on your beer!” whispered Maggie.
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Vow.
Jane’s response to John is priceless, Keith. Well done storytelling.
I’m pleased you enjoyed it, thanks, Suzrtte!
love the rev’s prayer!
Thanks, Beth, I’ve been waiting years to find a use for it!
I like the bubbles in the champaign and froth in the beer vows.
I thought they were fitting given their occupation! Thanks, Frank.
Hippopottymouth! 😂😹
A swearing bird is a buggerigar!
Lovely six Keith
Thanks, Di!
They all have a great sense of humor, they like and love each other, right? Fun six, thanks for another great visit to the Baaamy.
They most certainly do! Thank you, Mimi.
Polishing the hens’ beaks made me laugh out loud. I like the prayer at the bar. The ending made me sad.
Thanks for your lovely response.
Of course you’re welcome.
my fav takeaway was the names and alliteration
Simple pleasures! Thanks, Yvette.
Hilarious six Keith
I’m pleased it amused you, Sadje!
👍🏼♥️👍🏼
Oh, I love that hippopotamus song!!
It’s been a favourite of mine since my childhood!
I love this episode- especially the close. So nice to hear you back at it= I know you’re not 100% but you sound damn good to me!
Almost there! Thanks, Jodi.
(I’m with Suzette on this week’s Inn), fave punchline:
“Jane looked at his shiny head and said ‘I guess you’ll be coming barefoot then’!’’
He did ask for it!
Love this story, it made me laugh on several occasions.
I’m really pleased, thanks so much, Astrid.