Six somewhat jumbled sentences!

Keith's Ramblings

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Arthur’s wife was away visiting her sister, so he’d had no supper, he doesn’t cook having almost once set the kitchen on fire whilst boiling a egg, so instead he’s enjoying some of The Baaarmy Inn’s famous Bangers and Mash;  he likes it with smothered with tomato sauce does Arthur, so he went for yet another generous squirt; however the squeezy bottle was somewhat reluctant to release any, so he throttled it with both hands until some shot out splashing him in the face and depositing a crimson pool on table.

Just at that moment local bobby, Police Constable Copper walked in – he took one look at Arthur, another at the table and immediately thought he’d entered a crime scene – “what on earth happened Arthur … who did this to you … let me call an ambulance … how are you feeling?”; “bloody good!”, quipped Arthur as he dipped a sausage in the sauce and took a bite!

Billy Ardwick had joined them, he’s the local billiard champion; “I went to the social club hoping for a game”, he said, “but there was a very long queue for a table….” ; “I see what you did there”, interrupted Colin, “cue, queue, very funny”, Billy ignored him and asked if anyone fancied playing pool in the games room; whilst they knew they didn’t stand a chance of beating him, they all decided to have a go just for the fun of it.

As usual, Billy was on form having played an excellent game and was readying himself for the final shot – his cue was positioned, he took a deep breath, the room fell silent  – then in burst Eli – “evening all” he yelled; Eli can’t see too well despite wearing glasses with lenses as thick as bottle bottoms, but he somehow found his way to the dart board where he fumbled around for a dart, took two steps back, one sideways, turned slightly and positioned his arm in flight mode  – everyone dashed out of the room and back to the bar!

Suddenly they heard Eli shout, “bulls eye”, so in disbelief they all peered through the door and were somewhat amused by what they saw, for alongside the dart board is a picture of ex-landlord Henry ‘Hooter’ Horn, and in the middle of his enormous nose was Eli’s dart; that was all Suzie from the next table needed to get her singing – “God only nose what we’d do without you Eli…”

Babs asked if anyone had noticed the sign at the leisure centre was missing a letter and it now says ‘Swimming ool’ ; “at least we know there’s no P in pool”,  joked Colin, and then he was off – “two ducks were sitting in a pond, one said ‘quack’ the other duck said ‘I was going to say that’ – RIP boiling water, you’ll be mist – you make holy water by boiling the hell out of it – I got into trouble at the swimming pool, the breast stroke isn’t what I thought it was – my son floats in water, he’s a good buoy – two reasons not to drink toilet water, No 1, No 2 – “OY”, yelled Landlord Len, “wash your mouth out with soap”.

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If you are in the UK and are a fan of the world’s longest running TV comedy Last of the Summer Wine, you may recognise Eli and his dart from one of the 295 episodes!

Thanks to Denise for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Pool.

 

  • if you missed last week’s sesssion it’s HERE!

23 thoughts on “Six somewhat jumbled sentences!”

  2. Suzette Benjamin's avatar Suzette Benjamin Jan 16, 2025 / 22:07

    Lol…boiling water, you’ll be mist…! Nicely done, Keith. I enjoyed your six sentences’ mash-up they were bang on target.

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  3. messymimi's meanderings's avatar messymimi's meanderings Jan 16, 2025 / 22:58

    They’ve all got a great sense of humor, and they get it from you. Thanks again for another wonderful episode.

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  4. Frank Hubeny's avatar Frank Hubeny Jan 16, 2025 / 23:26

    Nice ones from Colin at the end especially: “you make holy water by boiling the hell out of it”

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  6. Chris Hall's avatar Chris Hall Jan 17, 2025 / 14:12

    Lovely stuff, Keith – and The Last of the Summer Wine – smiling so much just now!

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    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Jan 17, 2025 / 15:49

      Thanks, Chris.

      I visited where it was filmed a few years ago, and had a great time imagining I was one of them!

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  8. clark's avatar clark Jan 18, 2025 / 01:41

    what a fun group!

     “…got into trouble at the swimming pool, the breast stroke isn’t what I thought it was“

    ba rum bump!

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  9. GirlieOnTheEdge's avatar GirlieOnTheEdge Jan 18, 2025 / 18:05

    How excellent was this week’s adventure for the residents of the Baamy Inn! It flowed like…(damn, spigot is dry ‘cuz I suck at punning so happily leaving it to the master). Great fun this week, Keith.

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  10. Liz H-H's avatar Liz H-H Jan 20, 2025 / 01:14

    The Baamy Inn, THE one stop shop for puns and general hilarity!

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