Keith's Ramblings

A middling story for The Sunday Muse which is hosted once again by Carrie.

*I spent ages trying to record an audio, and when I finally finished one I was happy with, I realised I’d missed out a paragraph! I give up!

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I was watching the early morning news, it was so boring I started yawning. Not a good start to the day. Suddenly the newsreader chappie lunged forward, his wrinkled face filling the screen. “Go to the poppy field!” he yelled. I almost jumped out of my PJs.

I thought it best not to argue, so I wiped the remains of my breakfast from my porridge-splattered face,  got into my hiking gear and headed out the door. There was a field down the road, more of a pongy field than a poppy field thanks to a herd of flatulent crapulent cows but I remembered seeing some flowers there once.

Pretty poppies started popping up, pop pop pop, then suddenly a paper aeroplane floated down and landed at my feet. I was really impressed. Whenever I’ve tried making one it’s refused to take flight! On one wing it said ‘me’ and on the other, ‘open’ so I turned it around and unfolded it.

There was a message. ‘Cross the field’ it said. I screwed it up and dropped it on the ground (I know, that’s a very naughty thing to do these days) and being Obediah by name and therefore obedient by nature, I did as I was told.

When I got to the other side I met a strange man who was leaning on a gate pulling funny faces. 

“Which way should I go?” I asked.

He started pointing, right, left, nearly right, almost left, up, and then down.  A lot of help that was! Then he started shouting.

“Ape…ape…ape…ape”! 

Foreign languages were never my strong point so I had no idea what he was talking about, so I said ‘mercy mis-you-are’ and carried on going forward.

On my way, I passed an owl. Strange time to see one of them I thought, it must be on day patrol. Instead of hooting, it was kinda foo-ting. 

“Foo…foo…foo…foo” it went. 

I noticed an apple laying in the grass. It started flashing and ringing. How strange was that? It must have been a prototype Apple iPhone I thought. I kicked it aside and carried on.

Suddenly I stepped in a stinky cow pat and realised I was back in the poppy field. The piece of paper was still there but it had un-scrunched itself, and it contained a new message. ‘Go home and watch the news’ it said. 

To cut a long story short (sorry, it is going on a bit and you’ve probably got better things to do than read this) I did just that. The guy was going on about a strange fellow that had been seen wandering around like a lost soul, and if seen should not be approached. 

Suddenly the newsreader chappie lunged forward, his wrinkled face filling the screen. ‘Day jar voo’ I thought!

“April Fool” he yelled.

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