A short story

Keith's Ramblings

for Six Sentence Stories where the given word is Redemption.

The following is a reworked passage from a longer story I wrote several years ago.

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0“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned” he mutters in hushed tones, uncertain he wishes the priest to hear his confession. 

The weary padre in his crumpled cassock slouches behind the wooden lattice fidgeting with a worn wooden cross.

One, a habitual criminal who sometimes yearns to be caught, if only to commune with like-minded people, albethey behind bars.

The other, once a defender of the faith, a bestower of redemption but in doubt, wondering why God was forsaking him.

Two lost and lonely souls.

“Five Hail Marys” murmurs one as the other leaves the confessional, five Hail Marys. 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting.

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34 thoughts on “A short story”

  3. Sadje's avatar Sadje Feb 10, 2022 / 16:52

    There is desperation and hopelessness in your characters. Hope they do find redemption

    Liked by 1 person

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      • Sadje's avatar Sadje Feb 11, 2022 / 14:16

        You’re welcome! Indeed after hitting rock bottom, the only way is up.

        Like

  7. ceayr's avatar ceayr Feb 11, 2022 / 15:05

    Hey, misery-guts, what happened to the funnies?
    Deep piece, sourpuss.

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  9. Pat Brockett's avatar Pat Brockett Feb 11, 2022 / 21:34

    So much despair. May they each discover what is needed.

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  10. jenne49's avatar jenne49 Feb 11, 2022 / 22:42

    Brothers in desolation, very vividly described. Great six, Keith.

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  11. Matt D's avatar Matt D Feb 12, 2022 / 03:36

    Good Six. I loved the reading. I may have to try that sometime.

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    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Feb 12, 2022 / 16:06

      Thanks, Matt. I thought about it for ages before starting a few months ago and I now wish I’d done it years ago!

      Like

      Reply
  12. Doug Jacquier's avatar Doug Jacquier Feb 12, 2022 / 17:33

    Difficult to know who was taking the Hail Mary pass. Enjoyed your shift into serious gear.

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. larry trasciatti's avatar larry trasciatti Feb 12, 2022 / 17:49

    Mankind is broken ever since the third chapter of Genesis, which is exactly why we need the confessional. The priest needs it even more than everyone

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  14. GirlieOnTheEdge's avatar GirlieOnTheEdge Feb 13, 2022 / 03:41

    To borrow a word from Pat, the despair was palpable. The priest’s weariness hung heavy like incense in the air.
    (Used to wonder as a kid, how they determined the number of hail Marys a person should say).

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Feb 13, 2022 / 14:35

      Thanks, Denise. Interesting you mention that, I went to Google for advice when writing this and I still couldn’t find a definitive answer!

      Like

      Reply
  15. parikhit's avatar parikhit Feb 14, 2022 / 11:35

    Now that is quite a story! I have often wondered what to the priests behind the confession boxes think and wonder.

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  16. Ryan Biddulph's avatar Ryan Biddulph Feb 14, 2022 / 13:02

    Great job Keith. I feel like I was there, sitting with both, in the confessional. Fabulous blog. Keep up the great work.

    Ryan

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