Bert entered The Baaamy Inn carrying a very large book, “I thought you’d like to see it”, he said, “I got it the charity shop and it’s called a Thesimouse or something like that and it’s a kind of dictionary but instead of containing the meanings of words it gives you words that mean the same, similarims I think they call them; I’m going to keep it on my coffee table in place of my dad-joke book to improve my image, or ameliorate my simulacrum as I wrote down on this piece of paper!”
“I went to The Fish Inn pub quiz last night”, said Ted, “and one question asked for the longest word in the English dictionary, well, that Dutch bloke, Clever Clogs got it right and it’s not even his first language, it began with P and 47 letters later in ended with A, well, I disputed it because I think the longest word is smiled because S and D are a mile apart!” – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet and began to sing, “it’s only words and words are all I have to steal your heart away…”
“Word has it”, said Polly “that English teacher Elspeth wants to join our knitting circle, I remember her telling me once about a boy in her class that tripped over – he jumped up, started hopping around the classroom then let out a certain four letter swear word which I won’t repeat in case Len hears me, well, she told him off and said, ‘where did you learn that word, you don’t even know it means’, and he said, ‘yes I do, I learned it from my Dad when he kicked a table leg – it means ouch, I’ve stubbed my toe’ “.
“I was talking to Equine Earnie”, said Babs, “he’s joined a writing club where they are given a challenge each week; he had to write a sentence using the words defence, defeat and detail, he said it was perfect for him and wrote,’ when a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first, then detail – clever, eh?”
“I hate it when people forget an apostrophe”, said Colin, “if I see it again I swear I’ll be ill – if tomb is pronounced toom, and womb, woom, surely bomb should be boom – the shortened form of World Wide Web has three times more syllables – you politely pronounce a Welsh town Caerphilly – a mouse that swears is a curser – the word seven has even in it, that’s odd – the word starting with E and ending with E that only has one letter in it is envelope – the only word spelled wrong in the dictionary is wrong – if you add two letters to short it becomes shorter – I spell candy with two letters, C and Y – prison is one word to us but to some it’s a sentence – the word Diputseromneve may look ridiculous, but backwards it’s even more stupid – German for bra is stoppenfromfloppen – they say that icy is the easiest word to spell, now I see why – I did badly in my spelling exam, but I got A for affort – don’t spell part backwards, it’s a trap……”
Landlord Len and his dearly departed Maggie used to love playing word games, Lexicon Len she used to call him. Everyone had left but words remained and as he sat on a stool romantic ones began entering his mind, ones that summed up their love for one another; “what one word meant and remains the most amorous to you, Maggie?” he muttered, ‘simple’, she whispered, ‘Len, of course’’.
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Word!
I have to say, you do have a way with words, Keith, I can’t choose my favourite, it’s a toss-up between I’ll and ill and the horse jumping over the fence. Even spell check gets confused.