Keith's Ramblings

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Before I start – I have an extremely busy few days coming up, both entertaining and being entertained, so I’m afraid I won’t have the time to drop by your blogs and leave comments in the normal way. Please don’t think I’ve forgotten you, I’ll be back next week!

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“I really need this”, said Arthur, supping his pint so fast that half of it was running down down his chin, “that supermarket, Costalot or whatever it’s called, has opened a brand new branch in town and her indoors insisted I went there with her this afternoon, I grabbed a case of Budweiser and dumped it in the cart, it was only a tenner but she complained and told me to but it back, then lo and behold, she grabbed an expensive brand of  face cream and dropped that in the cart; I asked her why and she said because it makes her look beautiful, and I said ‘so do a couple of Budweisers and they’re only half the price’ – it didn’t go down too well!”

“I was chatting with Billy Brand”, said Babs, you know, that guy that sweeps the streets, he told me he’s had enough of  of clearing up other people’s mess and needed a change of career, but he couldn’t make up his mind about what he should do, he said he wasn’t suited to being a tailor, he couldn’t cut it as a barber, he didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, pool maintenance was too draining, there was no future in being a historian, if he was a masseur he’d rub people up the wrong way”; “so what’s he going to do?” asked Suzie at the next table, “ he’s got a brand new job as a cleaner at that new supermarket in town!” she replied!

“The other day I decided to have an tree removed”, said Ted, “it was too close to my living room window and the branches blocked my view so I called Jack, that lumber guy and asked him to do it for me, after he cut it down he left a stump and recommended a guy to remove it, well, the bloke dug up the stump and left a great big hole and recommended a landscape gardener who’d would make it look nice for me, to cut a long story short I came here for a pint while he was doing it and when I returned home I found he’d planted a brand new tree where the old one was!”

Over at the knitting circle Natilie was talking about a competition she entered, when her branch of the Women’s Institute challenged another lot of Winstitutors to a speed knitting event where they had to knit the longest scarf in the shortest time; “I was determined to win so I treated myself to that expensive brand of speedy needles, the prize was a meal for two at a posh restaurant and there was no way anybody but me was going win it; I practiced several times to make sure I was unbeatable, and on the night everyone was going at a hell of a rate”, – “I assume you won”, said Polly, “actually I came last” said Natilie, “but it’s taking part that counts, it’s not about winning”.

Colin had been listening in, and couldn’t wait any longer to get going, “I bought an umbrella with brand name Napoleon, on a windy day it got blownapparte  – which letter of the alphabet has a shoe brand? Adidas – the most popular brand of car in Norway is Fjord – I‘m not scared of trees, they‘re all bark, no bite – the branch said to the tree, hello gorgeous, I’m growing on you – two owls sat on a branch, one said ‘I got married the other day’, an the other said ‘you twit, to who?’ – Chinese lumberjacks chop sticks – waiting is a boring job but it puts food on the table –  the lumberjack cut down exactly 56,675 trees, he knew because he kept a log – I met a lumberjack in the pub, great feller – I got some face cream that made me shed tears, it was called moist-your-eyes……”.

Landlord Len has been thinking about rebranding the pub, the name would stay the same because that was Maggie’s idea – “I need to find a way to attract more young people because on some busy nights it looks more like a retirement home in here”, he said; needless to say it didn’t go down too well especially with thirty-something Suzie, “I want you to jot down any suggestions you might have and pop them in that box over there” – I for one can’t wait to find out what they write! 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Branch