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Arthur arrived at The Baaamy Inn covered from head to foot with muck and mud, and absolutely stinking, “Cor blimey, you don’ ‘alf pen-and-ink”, said George using his finest Cockney rhyming slang; “I had a slight accident”, said Arthur, “I was cleaning out the pig pen when I slipped and landed bum-first in a pile of pig’s you-know-what” ; “OY”, shouted Landlord Len, “there’s no way you are sitting on my chair with that filthy backside”.
“I have an idea”, said Ted as he popped his pen in his pocket, “you can sit on my newspaper, I’ve read it from front to back and almost finished the crossword, I got all the clues except the second from last one, eleven letters starting P and end in E” ; “penultimate”, said Arthur, “can I sit down now?”
“I slipped on some ice one Winter and sprained my ankle”, said Babs, “they were forecasting snow so I needed to get the sheep back into their pen, but there was no way I could cross the meadow and round them up, so I called the Agricagency to hire some help; well, a young lad and my sheepdog Shoggy did it for me, and when he came back to the yard he said he’d gathered all forty in, I said I thought I only had thirty eight and he said ‘you asked me to round them up’!”
Over at the knitting circle, Penelope, or Pen as she’s known to her friends was telling her fellow knitwits about the time she was asked to make a jumper for her nephew’s birthday, unfortunately there was no way she do in time so she cheated by going to the craft shop in town and buying one made by someone else, trouble was, she didn’t notice there was a label stitched inside, and to make matters worse, when she tried helping the lad to put in on, it was too small, “there was no way I could pull the wool over his eyes!”, she said.
“Next year you’ll have to knit him three socks”, said Colin, “because by then he’ll have grown another foot – everyone in the village wears jumpers that are too small, they’re a tight knit community – I couldn’t figure out why a male sheep is called a Ram, then it hit me – I was surrounded by lots of little sheep, it was a lambush – I’m told it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater, I didn’t even know they could knit – a nun found knitting to be habit forming – this little piggy drank ten pints of of beer and wee wee wee’d all the way home – the little French piggy went oui oui oui all the way home too – when pigs hurt they use oinkments – my pen broke when I wrote the number 11, two ones don’t make it write – the pen went on holiday to pencilvania – left handed pens are for righting – Shakespeare wrote with pencils, 2B or not 2B…….”
Len’s dearly departed Maggie used to write with a fountain pen, it still sits on the desk where she left it alongside a bottle of ink, some blotting paper and the notepad upon which she’d started to write a poem, one she sadly never got to finish; soon I’ll say farewell my love, soon be time to go, there’s no need to feel sad my love, there’s one thing that you’ll know, I’ll always……..and there it ended.
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Thanks to Denise for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Pen.
Everyone in my community wears their jumpers (we call them sweaters) a size or two, too, too large- no wonder we prefer our own space! hehehe
We also call them pullovers! Whatever, they can never by too big when it’s cold outside!
And what a a lovely yarn your wrote, Keith. I loved…”tight knit community” and Shakespeare writing with pencils” your puns are sew exciting! Thank you.
Sew are yours, Suzette, I can knit thank you enough!
Lol. You are most welcome Keith.
Keith, this feels like you swung the pub door wide open and let us eavesdrop. the puns are peak Keith, and that last unfinished line from Maggie really lands. can’t wait for the next bit!
Much love,
David
That is exactly how I wanted it to come across, David, thanks for your generous words.
🤗
Excellent, as usual, dear Keith, but that second-to-last paragraph had me laughing out loud. You are a joy!
I’m pleased to hear it, Nancy – even though I couldn’t!
Beautiful start to Maggie’s poem. I think we know the ending.
Also wonderful “three socks” pun by Colin.
I think we a all do! Thank you, Frank.
you are so creative and three socks – hahah
Thank you so much, Yvette!
♥
Good as always Keith
Kind of you to say so, Di, thank you.
Most welcome.
You and the Baaamy crew give me the biggest grin every Thursday.
…as I hope they might! Thanks, Mimi.
you had me in stitches !
You should join the knitting circle!
😄Fabulous Keith, I just love this pub – I need to pop in, I think I’d fit in very well😅
I’m certain you’d be more welcome, Ange, especially if you were buying the first round!
Well…..there are quite a few there… so let me think 🧐
Fun, fun, fun… as always, Keith – we all love those puns, and some pens as well this time!
Thanks, thanks, thanks Chris! I live for my weekly dose of puns!
Great six Keith. You’re stories are always very entertaining
I’m pleased you like them Sadje, thank you!
You’re most welcome
is it me or are the play on words more… circumspect in the first (and possibly second) ‘sentences’?*
fave of the week
“I got all the clues except the second from last one, eleven letters starting P and end in E” ; “penultimate”, said Arthur, “can I sit down now?”
*nothing I can prove, but when it comes to this particular bloghop, I have something of a Sixth Sense