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It’ll soon be time for Landlord Len to prepare his barrel of Rum Punch in readiness for The Baaamy Inn’s annual Pirate Day, the day when he floats his model pirate ship in the pub’s pond and the locals turn up dressed up as – you’ve got it – pirates!
“I’ve got the latest thing in pirate technology” said Colin, “an Apple iPatch – I’ve got some big hoop earrings and each one has a little parrot in the centre, they were quite cheap, only a buccaneer – I saw a pirate playing a fruit machine in the arrrrrghcade the other day – he was irate because someone stole his P – and by the way, what do pirates say on their 80th birthday?…ah, matey!”
“It was funny last year” said Ted, “when Captan Len attempted to pour a pint with a glass in one hand and a hook in the other, and when he pulled the beer tap handle it slipped and he ended up on the floor soaking wet!”; “OY!” yelled Landlord Len, ”mention that again and I’ll have you walk the plank”; “the only plank here”, muttered Ted, “is…. “, “OY, careful now!”
Fred was rubbing his thigh; “what’s the matter, are you in pain?” asked Babs, “a bit”, he replied, “my little grandson punched me, but it’s only a minor injury, I even caught him trying to punch one of my cows the other day, how dairy I thought”.
The ladies of the knitting circle where motionless, like someone had pressed their pause button, and they were looking across to Suzie’s table where a young man had plonked himself down in an attempt to chat her up, “he’s punching above his weight”, said Florence as she adjusted her hearing aid to full volume so she could eavesdrop – “he’s offering her a drink – she says no – he asking if she’d like some cashews – she says he’s nuts if he thinks that’ll charm her – now he’s inviting her for a romantic lunch at the caff because they’ve got half-price sausage and mash – now he’s standing up – now he’s walking towards the door – now he’s gone!”; “she knows how to pack a punch!” laughed Daisy!
As usual, at the end of the session Len totted up the takings and noted them on a piece of A4 along with a few thoughts about the day, then he punched some holes and popped the paper into a file; ‘they’re not a bad bunch’, he said to himself with a crunch-crunch-crunch as he munched on some crisps; then he had a hunch and punched the air for he’d thought of something new for the lunch fayre…and it’s not half-price sausage and mash!
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Thanks to Denise for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Punch.
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so fun!!!
Thanks, Beth!
Nice one: “how dairy” I like how the ladies had their pause buttons pressed while they entertained themselves listening to Suzie and the young man.
They are a nosy lot! Thanks, Frank!
I adore those ladies at the knitting table – they rule the world.
Me too, they always have me in stitches!
It’s always a delight to read about this crew!
I enjoy writing about them too!
Ha!
Brilliant and hilarious as always, Keith!
Thanks so much, Nicole!
Another great look at the pub life.
Having been a pub landlord myself, I get enormous pleasure from writing these stories!
Yes, I can feel it.
Fab, fab, fab! 🏴☠️
I couldn’t wish for a nicer response!
More pun with pirates!