…ern, derr or twar?

Keith's Ramblings

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What’s the best way of getting there? Is it a boat, is a train, is it a plane? If I was Superman I could just don a red cloak and fly there. I am a man, and I’m super but I’ve not yet managed to combine the two.

It’s very inconvenient having the English Channel between us and our snail-eating, beret-wearing, garlic-smelling neighbours. Mind you, Willie the Conk crossed without difficulty in 1066, and it must be a lot easier now.

Let’s look at the options.

One, the boat. It takes about a hundred minutes to float across. On the plus side, there’s a bar and cafe on board. However, it tends to bob up and down a bit so you need pack a sick bag or two just in case.

Two, the train. Somehow it travels under the water. I used it once, but I was disappointed not to see any fish or mermaids along the way. It’s very quick, but it’s quite pricey.

Three, the plane. I hate airports. All that security malarke. I always set the alarm off when I go through that frame thing. Then I get stroked and felt in the most intimate of places. Ooh, no.

Before you suggest it, I’m not swimming across. I fear stepping in puddles so there’s no way I’m putting on my mankini and jumping in!

You know what? I don’t think I’ll bother. I’ll just buy a baguette, some brie, a bottle of Chateau Plonk and watch La Miserable!

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Thanks to Jenne Gray and C.E.Ayr for hosting The Unicorn Challenge.

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29 thoughts on “…ern, derr or twar?”

  2. The Sicilian Storyteller Apr 13, 2024 / 18:56

    Now I have an indelible image of you eating brie (my favorite) and sipping a pinot while wearing a beret and a mankini! Ooh la la! 👨🏻‍🎨

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Denise Hammond Apr 13, 2024 / 19:05

    I love it. I hate the Detroit Windsor tunnel and the bridge is way out of my way. But needs must in order to see family.

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      • Denise Hammond Apr 14, 2024 / 16:35

        Yes, there is that. Thanks for the reminder.

        Denise Hammond  

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  4. Suzette Benjamin Apr 13, 2024 / 19:55

    Oh Keith, you had me laughing at the airport situation you decribed.
    Love your skill at counting .. un der twar…LOL. Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Editor, Witcraft Apr 13, 2024 / 20:46

    ‘a baguette, some brie, a bottle of Chateau Plonk’. So do they all cost more since Brexit? 😉

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  6. ceayr Apr 13, 2024 / 21:30

    Ooh la la, Kees, you are so, ‘ow you say, boring.

    Venez en France, ‘ave some fun, maybe some comment va ton père!

    And don’t call Rosey La Miserable!

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    Reply
    • Keith's Ramblings Apr 14, 2024 / 15:13

      Okay, if you insist, but you won’t get me drinking from a bottle of Rosey, more of a rouge buveur meself!

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  7. Sadje Apr 14, 2024 / 02:05

    All the options seem tedious. Staying at home and celebrating sounds better.

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Margaret Apr 14, 2024 / 04:12

    Oh to have foreign countries and adventures so close that it becomes a ho hum experience. Your world-weary narrator is a lucky man. Fun story but it made me wish I could just jump on a train and be in Europe. 😕

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Apr 14, 2024 / 16:53

      Living on the UK’s south coast means I can pop across to France for lunch, do a bit of food and drink shopping and nip back again in the evening!

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Margaret Apr 15, 2024 / 00:18

        Oh, envy, envy. 😢

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  9. V. Sparrow Apr 14, 2024 / 08:38

    Oh my gosh, you’ve done it again–I can hardly breathe for laughing so hard!! You’re really too much–and that’s a very good thing! (I may have to bookmark this one for days of drear) Vee, the sometimes Superwoman (but no cute costume)

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    • Keith's Ramblings Apr 14, 2024 / 17:00

      Vee, thanks for your lovely comment, I’m looking forward to watching you fly past, you don’t need a cute costume!

      Liked by 1 person

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      • V. Sparrow Apr 15, 2024 / 08:20

        Even your comments crack me up! I doubt I could manage a serious conversation with you, if we ever met…you’d have to offer me a glass of water, thinking I might be choking to death. And I can’t visualize myself flying by…too much weight would likely result in a free-fall.

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  10. hilarymb Apr 14, 2024 / 08:58

    Hi Keith – stop dreaming perhaps … but yes – easier to stay put – glad we had the opportunity to pop backwards and forwards at whim. Cheers Hilary

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. jenne49 Apr 14, 2024 / 13:09

    Your story made me laugh, Keith your descriptions…
    That perfect carmudgeon – I want to give him a good talking to! 😉
    Fortunately all your travel photos suggest that will never be you!
    Good story though.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Keith's Ramblings Apr 14, 2024 / 17:18

      He certainly is! I love boats, trains and planes as you’ve clearly noticed, and so should he! Thanks so much, Jenne.

      Liked by 1 person

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