A Sixer

Keith's Ramblings

for Six Sentence Stories where the given word is …

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He knew it was stupid but he was desperate, the banks didn’t want to know him and his friends were reluctant to help out so against his better nature he resorted to meeting a loan shark on a street corner in a quiet part of town; the interest would be crippling, he knew that, but he had no choice, he needed money and he needed it then.

Three months passed and there was a sharp thump on the door, he knew who was there having been warned of the consequences should he fail to repay the loan and so there was only one thing for it, open the window at the rear and jump from the third floor, a risk, but one worth taking for the alternative didn’t bare thinking about.

He crashed to the ground and couldn’t help but scream in pain, but with pounding footsteps and shouting voices coming closer, he knew he had to make an escape.

Somehow he managed to raise himself, hobble across the grass, clamber over a fence and into the street where he staggered directly into the path of a car, sweeping him from his feet, throwing him across its bonnet and through the windscreen which shattered into a thousand pieces. 

As he lay in a hospital bed, wrapped in bandages,  attached to screens and machines by cables and tubes, a nurse walked over to him, ‘you have a visitor’ she said, ‘I’ll leave you alone, but whatever you do, don’t try to move or speak’.

He immediately recognised the person holding a bouquet of flowers and became overwhelmed by panic and fear, and as the bleeping got faster and faster he used every muscle in his body to try and force a cry for help but to no avail, and so it was the last thing he witnessed was the curtain closing around his bed and the monitor falling silent.

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting.

36 thoughts on “A Sixer”

  4. ladysighs Apr 27, 2023 / 12:28

    I’ve been in a hospital bed and heard that bleeping beeping noise (maybe only in my head) and wishing it would be silent.
    His problem …. all solved.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Keith's Ramblings Apr 28, 2023 / 17:14

      I can imagine! Thankfully you don’t take your problems with you, at least, I assume not!

      Like

      Reply
  6. clark Apr 27, 2023 / 15:10

    excellent. engaging, fast-paced and satisfying ending*.

    Gots to try me one of these, the Six where it’s all action (while maintaining a character or two**) through the process and a exciting conclusion.
    loved the rhythm of the phrase: “…attached to screens and machines by cables and tubes,”

    *well, not ‘satisfying’ in terms of the fate of the protagonist, but in the manner of the resolution
    ** (learn-by-reading mode: that notion of a character who is implied and, through action rather than description is developed as the story progress. very cool)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Keith's Ramblings Apr 28, 2023 / 17:29

      Thank you for your generous words and your reasons for employing them. Very much appreciated.

      Like

      Reply
  8. Christine Goodnough Apr 27, 2023 / 17:05

    Pardon the cliches, but “Be sure your debts will find you out.” Not wise of the “visitor” though, to kill the goose that should lay a few more golden eggs.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. Frank Hubeny Apr 27, 2023 / 18:30

    Well described story. The moral might be “don’t take money from a loan shark”.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  13. The Sicilian Storyteller Apr 28, 2023 / 11:52

    Chills down my spine! What an excellent scary story. It was like listening to one of those old radio broadcasts of “The Shadow”. Very well done, indeed, Keith!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  15. Tom Apr 29, 2023 / 08:59

    Good story, Keith; the loan shark has no compassion!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. Spira Apr 29, 2023 / 17:08

    Was wondering when your version of Lock, stock & Two Smoking Barrels would come…
    And you delivered a Flush Royal Sixer.
    More, please.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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