Two hundred and forty-nine words…

…for the newly created Min Min Prompts where this week’s inspirational quote is from Rabbie Burns, The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men, Gang aft agley (often go astray)

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Forgive me Father for I have sinned

No more the submissive victim. He’d inflicted pain on her too often, others too. She had to stop him from destroying lives. But the law doesn’t allow good deeds that involve taking a life. She needed a plan.

It’s been 15 years since my last confession

She worked in a steak bar. Special knives are used there; sharp, pointed, serrated….perfect. 

One evening an obnoxious diner gave her a hard time, just the person she needed. He’d take the blame for what she was to do. 

She discreetly wrapped his knife in a napkin to preserve his greasy fingerprints and dropped it into her bag.

 I have committed a mortal sin

Once home, she did something she’d not done for years; she fell to her knees, clutched the cross that had hung from her neck since her first communion, and prayed.

 I took the life of another 

She arranged a meeting. It went exactly to plan. No last words, just a pathetic whimper. The deed done, she dropped the knife to the ground. 

Once home, she destroyed her gloves and clothes. 

I am sorry for this and the sins of my past life

She knelt by her bed and felt for the gold cross. It was gone.

*

The cross she’d always held when seeking comfort was found beside the body. The knife was nowhere to be seen.

Her penance was handed down not by a priest, but by a judge.  

Amen

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Click below to discover what others have written

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23 thoughts on “Two hundred and forty-nine words…

  1. dorahak Jan 21, 2023 / 15:16

    Exquisite irony! Being at cross-purposes with the law is one thing, crossing God is another. Divine justice in either event! Great story, Keith. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Christine Goodnough Jan 21, 2023 / 15:32

    Astray indeed! A well related example of “Be sure your sins will find you out.” Backfired would be a great prompt word sometime — but check the meaning of discretely.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Keith's Ramblings Jan 21, 2023 / 15:53

      Thanks so much, Christine. I do believe I made a spelling error, something I dread happening! For discretely, read discreetly as in being careful not to attract attention. Duly corrected!

      Like

      • Christine Goodnough Jan 21, 2023 / 16:36

        I see that one in books now and then. I think it was a prompt word one day, which clued me in.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Marlapaige Jan 21, 2023 / 17:08

    Very well laid out. The confessional breaking in and laying bare the crime she committed was expertly weaved throughout. I felt justice when she stabbed the man who harms just because he can, sorrow for the man who was being dragged into this because she didn’t personally like him and sadness that she had turned to become worse than the first, and justice when she gave herself away at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Suzette Benjamin Jan 21, 2023 / 20:34

    Powerful parable Keith. You led the narrative so beautifully, helping the reader to feel empathy with the main character…and then,…pulled the rug out with an excellent twist. Bravo!+

    Like

  5. ceayr Jan 21, 2023 / 21:23

    Maybe the best piece I’ve read from you, Keith, did the extra word count let you spread you wings?
    Didn’t see the end coming, and felt she got a raw deal.
    That’s the sign of good writing.

    Like

  6. Doug Jacquier Jan 21, 2023 / 21:56

    Echoing CE’s words here in concluding that your writing has soared to a whole new level with this piece, Keith. Enjoy the sound of two hands clapping from across the ocean. ‘The cross she’d always held when seeking comfort was found beside the body. The knife was nowhere to be seen.’ Just plain chilling.

    Like

  7. jenne49 Jan 22, 2023 / 10:35

    What C. E. said, Keith. And Doug too. I can’t put it any better. A great piece of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sandra Jan 22, 2023 / 10:52

    Ingenious plot, Keith. And beautifully presented. It’s amazing, the freeing up of literary talent when the word count permits.

    Like

  9. Dawn Jan 22, 2023 / 17:35

    Wow, love the way you ended this, Keith, well done! 💞💞💞

    Like

  10. clark Jan 24, 2023 / 16:13

    Dude!*

    Engaging with a nice little twist at the end. What else can we ask of a storyette?

    *well, kinda what Doug and ceayar and Jenne said… excellent story in both narrative and layout (or whatever the correct term in rhetoric for presenting not so much a parallel story, but more an alternative perspective. or something.

    Like

  11. Liz H Jan 25, 2023 / 02:14

    Already been said, but yes, you are in top form with this piece. Nice pace, back and forth, to its surprising, but absolutely fitting end. And it does feel nice to break out a few extra words and let the story breathe and flow!

    Like

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