Keith's Ramblings

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“Sorry I’m late”, said Arthur as he entered The Baaamy Inn looking a little hot and bothered, “I’m not having a good day; this afternoon, when I took the rubbish out, I accidentally kicked the door-stop and the door slammed shut behind me, I didn’t have a key so I had to climb through the window, I looked at the clock and thought I had plenty of time, but it had decided to stop so I hadn’t, so I dashed to the bus stop, but the bus didn’t stop, it went straight past and I had to leg it here – time for the bad luck to stop and have a glass of pop!”

“I was walking down the high street this afternoon”, said Ted, “and a bloke said to me, ‘stop, it’s you, isn’t it, you’ve changed your hairstyle, started wearing glasses and shrunk an inch or two, but it’s really good to see you again, George’, so I said, ‘my name’s Ted’, and he said, ‘gosh, you’ve changed your name too!’ – goodness knows who he was!”

“I saw Big Bill the other day”, said Babs, “his wife said she’d leave him if he didn’t stop smoking, stop swearing, stop snoring and stop drinking as much, well, he’s a changed man now – he got through a whole sentence without using any rude words or flicking ash on the ground – he says he’s now officially a stopaholic!

“Len hasn’t held a pub quiz for ages”, said Poppy over at the knitting circle, “I hope he doesn’t stop having them, I suppose it could be because that posh professor from the university keeps on winning, although I did beat him once: we were neck and neck with one question to go, and Len asked what time we thought he set his alarm clock for, the prof said seven o’clock, but I said six-thirty and won hands down!”

Colin came back from the bar with a tray of drinks, sat down and went into his quick-fire joke mode: “the clocks are going back soon, that’s daylight robbery – my book about clocks finally arrived, it’s about time – hickory-dickory-dock, the mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one and the others escaped unharmed – clocks just go tic tic tic because they don’t toc to themselves – when I parked my car illegally, the ticket on my windshield said Parking Fine, it was such a relief – it’s hard to stop smoking, I’ve done it twenty times – my wife said she’d leave me if I kept singing I’m a Believer, I thought she was joking then I saw her face – the prisoner didn’t stop talking until he finished his sentence – the banker stopped working when he lost interest – the priest stopped preaching and became a lawyer, now he’s a father-in-law – my can opener stopped working, now it’s a can’t opener- I’m going to stop playing the triangle, it’s one ting after another – the French hen decided to stop laying eggs, she’d had un ouef……!”

Every night before going to bed, Landlord Len winds up the cuckoo clock on the living room wall, he’d hate it to stop; often, when it went cuckoo, his dearly departed Maggie would cuckoo back – “cuckoo”, he muttered…‘cuckoo’, whispered Maggie in his ear as he stroked the little wooden bird and wiped a tear from his eye.

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories, where this week’s given word is Stop