Rush!

Bert arrived at The Baaamy Inn looking a little weary, “I’ve just come from my grandkid’s school sports day and there was a parent’s relay race, another granddad said we should form a team, after all, we are all parents and seventy is supposed to be the new forty, well, I agreed; you should have seen us attempting to rush around the circuit, it was touch and go, but we made it albeit coming in last, but our last was the new first – in granddad racing!”

“I was down at the village green earlier helping cut back the rushes”, said Ted, “and there was guy there with several fishes in a bucket, I told him fishing was not allowed and he could be fined, well, he said they were his pet fish and he drops them in the pond for a swim now and again, then calls them and they jump back into the bucket; well, I asked him to prove it and he flung them into the water – two minutes later I said, ‘aren’t you going to call your fish?’, and he said ‘what fish?’, then picked up the rod he’d hidden and wandered off!”

“The other day Freda was as in a rush to get somewhere and got stopped by a cop for speeding”, said Knitter Natale, “he asked her name and she said ‘Freda’, then asked for her sirname and she said ‘Gonow’, then he said, ‘so you are Freda Gonow’, so she thanked him and drove off, well, two days later she received a letter that said Speeding Fine – she was so relieved!”

“My lad had to rush to the hospital the other day”, said Ted, “because his wife had gone into labour, well, he made a phone call first to ask how it was going; the person on the other end said ‘fine, three out so far and the rest should be out by teatime’, then he realised he’d rung the cricket club by mistake!”

“A friend of mine was rushed to hospital after eating a horse burger”, said Colin, “he’s in a stable condition now – pediatricians are always in a rush because they have little patients – my girlfriend likes racing, she looks dashing – my mother complains about hitting traffic during the rush hour, she should drive more carefully – she had a fear of speed bumps but she’s slowly getting over it – if you run in front of a car you’ll get tired, if you run behind, you’ll be exhausted – a dinosaur that rushes everywhere is a pronto-saurus – that South American girl that’s always in a hurry is Urgent Tina – I was in a rush and asked the waiter if my pancakes would be long and he said ‘no, round’ – you can’t rush through a campsite, you can only ‘rushed’ because it’s past tents – two ducks were in a pond, one said ‘quack’ and the other duck said ‘I was going to say that’ ….”

It had been a busy night at the Inn and the rush was finally over, “it was so much nicer when you where here to help me Maggie”, Len muttered – ‘whose to say I’m not?’, she whispered in his ear, ‘now get yourself upstairs!’