Keith's Ramblings

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It was a beautiful evening at The Baaamy Inn and Landlord Len had invited some of the regulars to join him in the garden and sit around his fire pit leaving bartender Brenda to look after things inside; “these flames remind me”, he said, “I know it’s a while away but I’ve been thinking about Bonfire Night and maybe we should go traditional this year and have an effigy burning atop the fire, your scarecrows are outstanding in their field, Arthur, so I wondered if you could make us one that looks like Guy Fawkes” – you should have heard the guffaws!

“I remember going on a camping trip when I was a Boy Scout” said Ted, “one evening our leaders thought they’d cook some burgers over a fire, and decided to light it by rubbing a couple of sticks together, well, it was ages before a spark appeared and ages more before the logs caught alight by which time we were starving hungry – they were both smokers so why on earth they didn’t just use a cigarette lighter or match we had no idea!”

“I caught my farm hand smoking weed while herding up the cattle”, said Bert, “I told him that if he did it again I’d have to fire him, after all, there’s a chance it could have an affect the meat, and the steaks are pretty high”.

“Before you know it, it’ll be time to light the log fire again”, said Babs, “so yesterday I got in touch with Sootie Saul the chimney sweep to clean mine, he was telling me that in times gone by they sent children up chimneys to clear them, I assume they gave up because chimneys became slimmer, anyway he said he was watching a robot lawn mower and thought they should invent a robot chimney sweeper – there was one downside though, it is still customary to invite a chimney sweep to a wedding for good luck which is a nice little earner, but to be there with a machine on your shoulder rather than a brush just wouldn’t seem the same!”

“Socks are like Boy Scouts”, said Colin, “they come pre-paired – tinder is useless without a single match – camping is intense – my jacket caught fire, it was a blazer – my doctor asked if I smoked or drank alcahol, I said I drank it – fishes smoke seaweed – the price of chimneys is going through the roof – I got a free chimney, it was on the house – a flame smells like burnt nose hair – I burnt 2000 calories, ! forgot to take the chocolate brownie out of the oven – the match factory burned down when they went on strike – quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it hundreds of times……..”.

After a successful evening Len sat back in his armchair and thought how much his dearly departed Maggie would have enjoyed it out there in the garden; “I had such fun”, he muttered – ‘I know’, whispered Maggie, ‘but make sure you shower before coming to bed, you stink of smoke!’

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where the given word is Fire!

*Incase you are a non-Brit baffled by the chimney sweeps at weddings reference –

The tradition of chimney sweeps bringing good fortune dates back hundreds of years. In the 18th century, King George III was famously saved by a sweep  after his carriage horses bolted. The sweep stepped forward to stop the runaway horses, saving the king’s life.

In gratitude, the king declared chimney sweeps to be symbols of luck and allowed them the rare honour of attending royal weddings. From there, the custom spread across Britain, and it became common for newlyweds to invite a sweep to their ceremony or reception to bless the marriage with prosperity, fertility, and happiness.

Now you know!

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