Slip!

There’s a sign above the bar in The Baaamy Inn that says ‘Cash, use it or lose it’, but despite it being there most people pay by cards or whatever, including Arthur who spent quite a while attempting to pay for a round using his phone, “it’s my grandson’s fault”, he said, “peruading me to bank online, he made me come up something called with a… what was it…a needle number I think, and he warned me that if I let slip it’s 1959 everyone will have access to my account, but worse than that, they’ll even know my birth year!”

“I can’t be without cash”, said Ted, “that’s real money, without it I can’t slip a tip to the waitress in Kathy’s Caffy or drop coins into that homeless guy’s hat, it beggars belief; when I can’t make my mind up about something, I like to toss a coin, heads or tails, tossing a phone’s hardly the same, apparently they have an add, or an abb, or an ass or something called Googledoodle where you can get advice” – “the only ass on mine”, said Arthur, “is the photo I accidentally took of my bull’s backside” – “OY, watch your laguage” , yelled Landlord Len.

“Why are you wearing slippers, Bert?” asked Babs, “well, as I was about to leave the house I noticed one of my shoes was brown and the other one was black, I looked on my shoe rack and noticed my other pair was half black and half brown too, so I’m going to have to buy myself some new ones tomorrow”.

“Why are you sitting on a newspaper Babs?”, asked Bert, “well, I was counting my sheep before coming here and I started to fall asleep on my feet”, she replied, “it’s happening more and more of late, anyway going down the slope with my eyes half closed I accidentally slipped on a slick of mud and landed on my backside; I know the seats here aren’t as clean as they were back when Maggie looked after them, but I didn’t want to make this one worse than it already is!”

“The limo I hired had no driver” said Colin, “all that money and nothing to chauffeur it – the Czech Republic doesn’t accept cash or cards – I know jokes about cash machines but I can’t think of one atm – a slipper is a shoe made from a banana – I just slipped on a banana skin, I look ridiculous in it – the dentist became a brain surgeon when his drill slipped – dentist’s mistakes are accidental – I have trouble admitting my mistakes, it’s not my fault – farmers can’t keep secrets because the corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beans stalk – I learn a lot from slip ups, I should make some more – I made a mistake at the shop, I wanted 6 Sprites but picked 7up – I couldn’t find any fresh ice, it was all frozen – I slipped on some spilt margarine and hurt my foot, I can’t believe it’s not better – a slippery book is is non-friction……”

As usual, at the end of the session Landlord Len was sorting out what cash he’d taken ready for the bank – his mind went back to when he and his dearly departed Maggie would sometimes play a game similar to Jenga and see how high they could pile the coins; just for old times sake he had another go and was doing quite well until it suddenly toppled over, “I know that was you Maggie, you naughty lady!” he muttered, he heard her chuckle and start singing her favourite song, ‘money money money, always funny…..’