Keith's Ramblings

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Here we are at The Baaamy Inn where Farmer Arthur is moaning about the price of fuel, “the other day I heard about a bloke who filled his tractor up and they wanted to charge him 175 pounds, well, he wasn’t happy so he drove off without paying; apparently he got caught and was only fined 100 pounds, that was quite a saving – which reminds me, my farmhand Flora arrived at work out of breath and sweating this morning, she said that instead of catching the bus she ran behind it and saved herself two pounds fifty, I said if she’d followed a taxi she’d have saved about twelve pounds fifty!”

“Talking of money”, said Ted, “I remember hearing about a guy called Clive who’s lucky number was five, he was born at five o’clock on the fifth day of the fifth month in 1955, well, on his 55th birthday he went to the races and noticed a horse called Pentagram was running in the fifth race at five pm with odds of fifty-five to one, so with five minutes to spare he charged over to Ivor Bett the bookie and placed five hundred and fifty-five pounds on it to win – he should have known better, Pentagram finished in fifth place!”

“One of my lads, charged into the barn yelling in pain”, said Babs, “he said he’d been stung by a wasp so I said ‘don’t worry. I’ll put some cream on it’, and he said ‘you’ll never find it, it’ll by miles way by now’, so I said ‘that’s not what I meant, where were you stung?’, and he said ‘in the yard’; well I was getting quite frustrated so I asked where on his body he was stung and he said ‘the wasp stung my finger’, so I asked which one and he said ‘how do I know, all wasps look the same to me’….I gave up!”

Knitwit Natalie was telling her fellow knitwits what happened when she was tidying the bedroom, “my hubby charged into the room pushed me onto the bed and dragged the cover over our heads, I though my luck at changed, it was about time after all, then he said ‘look at my new watch, it’s got a luminous dial!”

Colin’s moment had arrived, “Old McDonald had to sell his farm, e-i-e-i-owes a lot of money – the electric car finished the race early because it had a short circuit – a lion and a cheetah had a race, the lion said you are a cheetah and the cheetah said you are lion – two cats had a swimming race across the English channel, the English cat was called One-Two-Three, and the French cat, Un-Deux-Trois, the One-Two-Three cat won because the Un-Deux-Trois cat sank – the relay race was close, for a while it was touch and go – I removed my snail’s shell to help it win the snail race but it just became more sluggish – a bargain, dead batteries free of charge – you don’t wave a red flag in front of a battery incase it charges – I was charged nothing for my new new roof, it was on the house – the optician charged me a fortune, he saw me coming – pirates sell corn on the cob for a bucc-an-eer – a deer that costs a dollar is called a buck – an out of control robot was charged with battery…..!”

Landlord Len’s dearly departed Maggie was methodical when it came to clearing up after every session; Len tried his best to do as she did, but invariably forgot something or other: “I wish you were still in charge Maggie”, he muttered, ‘I still am’, she whispered in his ear, ‘now go and collect those glasses from the garden!’’

Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Charge