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It’s St Georges’ Day today, the patron saint of England, and this morning Landlord Len proudly put up his flag outside The Baaamy Inn; he was telling the farmers that a chap from the council appeared and said there was a limit on the height of flagpoles and asked how tall it was; “I had no idea” said Len “so I asked Gardener Gary who was levelling some flagstones if he could help, Gary pulled out the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it – the council bloke said, ‘I need to know its height, not its length’!”
The door burst open and in came three girls, hopping, skipping, jumping and waving little flags in the air, they asked barmaid Brenda for a large pitcher of Pink Gin cocktail and when she asked what they were celebrating Girl One said they’d ‘just completed a jigsaw in record time’, Girl Two said ‘in just 45 minutes’ and Girl Three said ‘it says two to four years on the box’, then they sat down, nattering, laughing and clinking glasses; Polly from the knitting circle said, ‘we’ll have to knit ourselves some earmuffs if they become regulars!”
Once again Ted had been playing golf that afternoon, his eyesight isn’t great and just lately he’s had difficulty focusing on the flag he’s supposed to be aiming for, “my elder brother Bill still sees well”, he said, “and I asked him if he’d come along and help me out, well, I tee’d up, took a hefty swipe but I couldn’t see where the ball went, so I asked Bill if he saw it and he said ‘of course, I’ve got perfect eyesight’, when I asked him where it was he said ‘erm, sorry, I can’t remember’ “.
Bert’s been having breeding problems, for many years his faithful bull Bollock has fathered many a calf and has always been very keen when required to do his duty, however, just lately he’s been less than enthusiastic and instead of galloping across the field when called he just stands there for a while; “my son suggested I try doing what matadors do and wave a red rag at the bull, I don’t have a red rag but I do have a red flag, the one I use to stop traffic when my herd crosses the road, so I tried waving that but it made no difference, I guess I’ll have to put him out to grass and find a randy young bullock to replace him!” – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet and started singing, ‘reddy or not, here I come’, and the girls One, Two and Three joined in – you should have heard the din!
Joker Colin pointed to them and said “if you keep making that much noise Len will baaa you”, and then his weekly punfest commenced, “the kid who jumped from the school flagpole was suspended – I took a flag waving test and passed with flying colours – flags are erotic because when the wind blows they pole dance – I don’t know much about Switzerland but it’s flag’s a big plus – the flag outside their embassy vanished, they’re nonplussed – golfers love donuts, always a hole-in-one – they eat sand wedges too – bulls wear bells because their horns don’t work – a bull with one horn is a mooonicorn – the cow said to the bull ‘I’m not in the mooood’ – the cute bull fighter was matadorable – if a bull charges you, pay him…….”
Landlord Len had been quiet all evening, not in a bad way but a contented way which several of the regulars found surprising given the racket the three girls had been making – actually, they were the reason he’d sat there with a smile on his face, for it reminded him of where and when he first met his dearly departed Maggie all those years ago – ‘I saw you across a crowded room’ he muttered, ‘singing away with your mates, and we locked eyes’ – ‘and I threw away the key’ , whispered Maggie in his ear.
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where today’s prompt word is Flag.
Love the jigsaw Joe because I’m a puzzler myself and I’m going to use this one
I hope it comes in useful, Beth!
Happy St. George’s Day! 🐲 I still get a kick out of that old jigsaw puzzle pun. 🧩
Thanks, Nancy, the old ones are the best ones!
I love that exciting jigsaw accomplishment. Well done, Keith. Blessings to you on Saint George’s Day!
Thanks so much, Suzette
I enjoyed the young dingbats, and I say that with much respect for their creator, and hope they visit again soon.
I’m sure they will! Thanks, Jodi.
What a lovely, if loud, evening at the Baaamy. It’s always fun to stop by.
Thanks, Mimi, I hope they didn’t deafen you!
Many great ones from Colin especially, “golfers love donuts, always a hole-in-one”.
Thanks so much, Frank.
It’s such a good mood booster every week reading your entry. The earmuffs part made me giggle on a bus. Thank you so much for sharing.
You’ve made my day! Thank you Reelika.
Aww, I love the ending of this segment
I’m really pleased, thanks, Sadje
You’re very welcome Keith
damn! strong opening:
“…pulled out the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it – the council bloke said, ‘I need to know its height, not its length’!”
“…Girl One said they’d ‘just completed a jigsaw in record time’, Girl Two said ‘in just 45 minutes’ and Girl Three said ‘it says two to four years on the box’,”
bar rum bump!
(a seriously excellent Maggie line)
Delighted to have entertained you!
Yay… jigsaws – just fab!
A little bit of silliness! Thanks, Chris
excellent as always!