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“Sorry I’m late”, said Arthur, “the Missus told me to swing by the supermarket and pick up some razor blades, she wants me to get rid of this stubble because it’s our wedding anniversary soon and she may decide to kiss me on the cheek, well, I walked up and down but I couldn’t find any so I asked an assistant where they were and she said ‘I’ll see’, and walked off; I waited for ages but she didn’t come back so I had another look around and eventually found them in aisle C!”
Ted was late arriving too, he’d just been for his second golf lesson; “you’re soaking wet, Ted, what happened to you?”, asked Babs; “well”, said Ted, “my instructor was helping me improve my swing and I was doing quite well, infact I managed to wack the ball off the tee five times, but there was a sudden downpour, I was more pee’d off than tee’d off, I can tell you” – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet ,”swinging in the rain, just swinging in the rain….”
Over at the knitting circle, Natalie was telling her fellow knitwits about her father’s ninetieth birthday party, “he’s always raving about the swinging sixties so we hired a band, they got several of us up singing, even me; at first I was afraid, I was petrified, but I did quite well, anyway, we persuaded Dad to have a go – I hoped he’d sing something like Heaven Can Wait, but no, he sang Knock Knock Knocking on Heaven’s Door, he did quite well but he hardly sounded like Axl Rose!”
George heard the end of their conversation and it reminded him about the other day when he needed cut down a tree that was sadly dying, “my chain saw’s conked out so I thought, I know, my axe’ll do, so I gave it a good swing, and another swing and another swing but it got me nowhere; I decided to call that lady lumberjack, Isla ‘Chopper’ Downe, and she felled it and logged it in no time at all – as she was leaving she told me that the other day she cut down a tree by just looking at it, I asked how and she said ‘saw it with my own two eyes’!”
“She once told me she’s chopped down 34,576 trees”, said Colin, “I asked how she remembers and she said she keeps a log – the lumberjack told the talking tree it would dialogue – he once chopped down the wrong tree, it was axidental – cross a musician, a mathematician and a lumberjack and you get a logarithm – he’d be a smart feller – Dr Watson asked Sherlock Holmes what his favourite tree was, ‘a lemon tree my dear Watson’, he said – a skeleton went to a supermarket to get some spare ribs – a can of coke fell on my head in a supermarket, good job it was a soft drink – swings can’t make their minds up, they always go back and forth – the chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide…….!”
In the back garden of The Baaamy Inn there’s a kiddie’s play area and Landlord Len was thinking back to the times he and his dearly departed Maggie used to fool around out there when the pub was closed, “the seesaw’s not the same without you sitting on one end, Maggie”, he muttered, “I still push the swing but I miss watching you going to and fro” – ’just because you can’t see me it doesn’t mean I’m not there’, she whispered, ‘come on, Len, let’s go outside and play!’
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Swing.
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Wonderful story, Keith. “She keeps a log…” awesome! Love the ending.
Thanks for logging in Suzette!
I woodn’t miss it, Keith. You’re never stumped for puns!
That was entirely too much laughing on an empty stomach!!! ((Goes lookin for a bloney sammich))
Well, it certainly takes a lo g time for those assistants to look something up when they walk off…
Thanks, Vero. If you find them I’ll have one too!
Mayo or Miracle Whip?
So true, Reelika!
Lovely installment Keith.
I’m pleased you liked it, Di, thank you!
I love Len and Maggie.
Always fun, dear Keith, and impossible to read without a having a good laugh!
That’s what I like to hear! Thank you, Nancy.
The gang at the Baaamy never fail to entertain. Maggie’s right, go play, it keeps you young.
Indeed she is, it’s playtime!
Nicely written Keith. You’ve used swing in so many ways
Thanks, Sadje. It’s quite a versatile word!
Yes, it is
Are we going to listen to the Lumberjack Song by Monty Python? I would say so! 😂
It did enter my mind, after all, he cuts down trees, he eats his lunch and goes to the lavatory!
oh, yer a funny one, Keith! I wonder though if Natalie’s dad sounded anything like Bob Dylan when he sang that song? old Bob sang it long before Axl Rose did!
Thanks, Mysteriam. He did, but when you need to chop down a tree, an Ax’l do!
You really ought to go into voicing audiobooks- your voice is what really makes this for me. Ah. I can relax now, I’ve had my Baaamy fix for the week….
That’s really kind of you, Jodi. It is something I would like to do, but I’m not sure I’d have the patience – the above recording took seven attempts and over an hour to perfect!
welcome back!
so the thing is (putting on deerstalker) there appears to be an interesting rhythm in the puns. the first is quiet and requires attention, the next to last, totally pulling out all stops
this week, my favorite, “…she said ‘I’ll see’, and walked off; I waited for ages but she didn’t come back so I had another look around and eventually found them in aisle C!”
second runner up: “…the lumberjack told the talking tree it would dialogue”
Thank you, I enjoyed spending some time overseas! I appreciate your observations – different characters, different styles. I wonder who won the bronze!
I like how Maggie wants to go outside and play with Len on the swing.
The’ll always be young at heart, here or not!