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Ted wandered into The Baaamy Inn looking a little weary, “I’ve just had my first golf lesson”, he said, “now I’m semi-retired I thought it would give me something to do other than housework, but I didn’t realise how far I’d have to walk; I made the odd mistake or two, I heard someone shout ‘fore’ and I shouted back ‘two’ because we were on the second green, then I gave the ball a good wack and off it flew until a stupid pigeon decided to fly in its path, there were feathers floating everywhere – I wasn’t pleased and I doubt the bird was either!”
“Did you get a hole in one?” asked Babs as she watched Ted fiddling with his shoe, “fortunately not”, he replied, totally misunderstanding the question, “this pair is new and I only bought them yesterday, I thought about buying some from Willy Walker in the market but I’m told he’s a bit of a fly by night and he’ll do anything to con you, so I went to the shoe shop in town, Lacey works here she’s a sweet soul”.
Fred was flapping his fingers like a fluttering fan as a fly flew round his freshly poured pint; ”careful”, chuckled pig farmer Pete, ”flies have feelings too you know, don’t hurt it” – “that’s a strange thing to say since you slaughter sows to make sausages!”, joked Fred!
“Time flies”, said Arthur, “I’ve got another big birthday coming up; it was the wife’s last week, and as we were eating breakfast she smiled and asked where her present was, I reminded her she’d said ‘nothing would make her happier some diamonds’, so I got her nothing – you should have seen her face, then I said I was kidding and I’d got her a pack of playing cards because they have lots of diamonds – I’d actually bought her a diamond bracelet all along!”
“I saw a golf buggy in a disabled bay”, said Colin, “I wondered what his handicap was – golf’s easy, I played one hole and got 55 points – a fly was buzzing around a policeman, he called the swat team – if pigs could fly the price of pork would go up – and if they did, they’d land at an airpork – my sixty-second birthday only lasted a minute – on the pirate’s 80th birthday he said ‘aye matey’ – the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once – birthdays are good for you, the more you have the longer you live – I asked someone when their birthday was and they said March 1st, so I walked round the room and asked again – when I gave my mate his 50th card card he said I only needed to give him one……” .
Earlier in the day a chap from a local travel agents had popped in for a drink and asked Len if he could leave a few flyers behind advertising holidays. Len’s mind went back to when Maggie and he would fly away for a few days of rest and relaxation leaving a few of the locals in charge of the Inn, they went to a little Mediterranean island they called Paradise; “if only the two of us could still fly together, Maggie”, he muttered – ‘one day we will, Lenny’, she whispered, ‘one day’.
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Fly
🙂
Smiling back at you!
Ta muchly!
lol, what a hoot! thanks Keith, I needed a good laugh.
I’m pleased it served its purpose!
“She’s a sweet soul” …. very cheeky! One mightt say, tongue in cheek! 🥾
Heel be going back for more, I’m sure!
Great fun read, Keith.”… Did you get a hole in one?” Great shoe and golf humor.
Thanks so much, Suzette!
fave line (of the week): “she’d said, nothing would make her happier some diamonds’, so I got her nothing”
bar rum bump!
always enjoyable sixificationing*
*not a ‘real’ word
Thanks Clark, thank you too for a new word, it deserves a place in my dictionary.
Nice one from Arthur: “I reminded her she’d said ‘nothing would make her happier some diamonds’, so I got her nothing”
Thanks, Frank. It kind of made sense to me!
Yep forget the birthday once and never again, so true
I’m sure it is!
It’s good Arthur did get the diamonds or he’d be in the doghouse now, or out there with Pete’s sows. Thanks for the laughs!
Haha, that’s true! I’m not sure he’d make very good sausages though!
How lovely and funny Keith.
Delighted to have amused you, Sadje!
It’s great to read your stories Keith. 🙏🏼🌹🙏🏼
Put me down for #5 as my favorite and a smile at the very end. You never disappoint, Keith!
A lovely thing to say, thank you so much, Denise!
Ah yes, such reliable humor–the whole world needs it.😊
Indeed it does.
😊
Ah, another lovely ending – dear sweeties. 💞
Thanks, Chris, they’re inseparable in life and death
That ending took the laugh right out of me. So tender…