Once again the farmers were enjoying a drink at the Baaamy Inn, and Arthur was fiddling with his ear, “I’ve got a hearing aid”, he said, “I didn’t realise how much I was missing before I got it, it’s a state of the art device and I hear everything really clearly”, Babs looked interested and said “what kind is it?” – “a quarter to eight”, replied Arthur, “I bumped into a couple of mates in town t’other day, they are both a bit hard of hearing, I said, ‘it’s windy today isn’t it’, and Jack said, ‘Thursday’, then Tony said ‘so am I, let’s get a drink’, I reckon they should sign up for some!”
Over at the knitting circle, Polly was telling her fellow knitwits that she was considering learning a foreign language, “I tried French, but it was ‘tray dificultay’, German was a ‘bitz complizated’, and then I thought, I know, I’ll try sign language, at least there won’t be any pronunciation difficulties; as you know I’m a great believer in multitasking so I’m learning to knit and sign at the same time, watch….whoopsie – okay, it’ll take a while but I’ll do it, you’ll see!”
Ted was prodding his ‘portable telephone’, as he calls it, “my wife made me get it so she could keep in touch when I’m out of sight, I don’t trust the thing, but I’m slowly getting the hang of it, I was watching an American programme on the telly last night and a guy called his one a cell phone, I assume he was an ex-criminal and he was given it in prison” ; “I couldn’t live without mine”, said George, “I went a pub in town yesterday and there was sign on the wall that says ‘Wi-Fi Password – you need to buy a drink first’, so I bought a pint and asked the barmaid what the password was and she said, ‘you need to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces’.
Len has sign board outside on the pavement, and he likes to write amusing messages on it, for example, one said Free Beer tomorrow – think about it – another said, Wanted, customers, no experience necessary, full training given, another, Pot holes ahead, remove teeth, tighten bra , and the latest one says Husband Creche, leave him in our care while you shop’!
Time for Colin to pipe up – “I had a hearing test and he asked me what the symptoms were, so I said that yellow family on TV – I know several jokes in sign language, nobody has ever heard them – the least spoken language is sign language – pirates can’t use sign language because the hooks make everything look like a question – pigs speak swine language – I saw a sign outside a farm that said ‘duck, eggs’ I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma, and then it hit me – hippies like exit signs cos they’re way out, man – the only two words in English that have two U’s together are vacuum and sheep – I use the word frequently as often as possible – the longest word is smiles, the first and last letters are a mile apart…….”
Landlord Len was cashing up after another busy session and once again more people had paid by card than with notes and coins, he has a sign on the bar that says ‘Cash, use it or lose it’ because he prefers that method of payment and he’s worried that in time it will become a thing of the past; he was looking closely at a fifty pence piece and as he did so the King’s head slowly changed to that of his dearly departed Maggie, ‘you won’t lose me,’ she said before fading away.
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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where today’s given word is Sign
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Hilarious! “I use the word frequently as often as possible”….LOL!
It makes sense to me! Cheers, Suzette.
Excellent!
Lovely piece Keith
Thanks, Di
Oh, the Wi-Fi password is too funny! Thanks for the smiles and laughs, it’s always a fun night at the Baaamy.
My pleasure, thanks, Mimi!
“Pot holes ahead, remove teeth, tighten bra” ….. what an image!! 😂
We could do with signs like that all over my town!
“Babs looked interested and said “what kind is it?” – “a quarter to eight”,
out of the gate!! get the Reader on the ropes, laughing
Cheers, Mr C!
I love the knitting and signing at the same time, oops!
Very oops! Thanks, Beth
Great sign: Free Beer tomorrow
I actually had that sign in the bar of my pub. You wouldn’t believe how many people fell for it!
Once again you have outdone yourself! This was such a pleasure to hear you read to me. My heart goes out to poor Len…
You say the nicest things, thank you, Jodi.
i so love that Barmy Army crew – so funny Keith !🥰
These are way too fun, Keith! Two words with two U’s – vacuum and sheep. You are so witty!
Thanks, Dale, I wasn’t sure if that pun would work so I’m quite relieved!
Aww, that lovely last line… very sweet with Maggie’s face appearing in a 50p. 😊
She’s never far away, if only in spirit! Thanks, Chris.