Keith's Ramblings

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“Len’s decided to take on  another bartender”, said Ted, “he interviewed a young lady the other day but she didn’t make a very good impression, her name was Alyssia and when he asked how to spell it she said L A R I S A or something like that – he said she was more suited to a job at Starbucks!”.

Polly over at the knitting circle was at making quite an impression showing off a new technique, more twist and twirl than plain and purl; “I was thinking”, she said, “the Chinese can probably knit with one hand, after all, they are pretty skilled at handling chopsticks”; “orchestral conductors could knit whilst working if they had two batons”, suggested Molly,” by the way, Malcolm, who’s in charge of the town’s orchestra, has taken up fencing as a hobby, apparently his mind wandered while he was conducting ‘Swords of Glory’ the other day and he lunged at a violinist and poked her in the chest!”

“I went to village hall for the Open Mike Talent Night on Saturday“, said George, there were some pretty impressive acts, singers, comedians, a juggler, a bloke who pretended to be a lion who was a roaring success ; there was a guy who claimed he could do bird impressions, but he was pretty useless at it and someone from the audience shouted ‘you can’t impersonate a bird’ which upset him so much he flapped his arms and flew out of the window – only kidding, but her at the next table was brilliant … what was it she sang?” – Suzie jumped to her feet and burst into song, “some day I’ll fly away…”

“I cooked dinner the other night”, said Arthur to looks of disbelief from is fellow formers, “spag bol it was, a packet of spaghetti, a jar of pasta sauce and a tin of meat balls was all it took, I don’t know why cookery programmes make it look so complicated, anyway, at first I though the missus was really  impressed because she said I reminded her of that chef, Gordon Ramsey, then she spoilt it by saying she was not comparing my culinary skills to his, just the foul laguage I used every time something went wrong!”

Colin had be quietly listening in, and as soon as an opportunity arose he started reeling off his one-liners – I went for a job interview at Ikea, the manager said ‘come in, make a seat’ – he said my answers should be quick then asked me what was eleven times six, so I said ’quick’ – I was once asked to do a frog impression, I jumped at the opportunity – I do a great impression of a tin opener, it’s uncanny – my wife kept telling me to stop doing a flamingo impression, in the end I had to put my foot down – a bloke spent a fortune on an impressionist painting then ate it, he put him Monet where his mouth is…..” 

After everyone had gone, Len went outside the see the bit of concreting he’d done to repair a damaged part of the car park, but he was disappointed to discover that despite having surrounded it with tape, someone had trodden on it leaving an impression of their shoe in the middle – it was quite a small footprint so he suspected it could be either Suzie of Barb, he’d probably ask them to ‘bare their soles’ so to speak next time they came in so he could see if their patterns matched the impression – then he had this strange idea that it could have been his dearly departed Maggie – it was the kind of thing she’d have done just for a laugh when she was around!

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories. This week’s given word is Impression

By the way, you may recall that last week we celebrated St Georges’ Day at The Baaamy Inn. I was going through some old photos the other day and came across these of an event I held at my pub about 20 years ago. Here I am behind the bar and those are a couple of my customers!

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