Six Semicolonated Sentences!

Keith's Ramblings

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Frank stank when he walked into The Baarmy Inn, Arthur told him he smelt rank and asked him what he’d  been up too; “well, I was mucking out the barn and it took longer than I expected leaving me in urgent need of a drink, so I came straight here, but if Len sees my filthy wellie boots and all the footprints I’m leaving on the floor he won’t be too pleased, so I won’t be going to the bar to buy a round today”; “I’ve heard some lame excuses” said Arthur, “but that beats the you-know-what out of them”.

Keen to lighten the mood, Ted mentioned a funeral he went to the other day, probably not the best way to do it, but hey-ho; “old Major Moore passed away recently, he was something of a hero after the war so there were a few of his lingering collegues there, also his grandson who’s a serving soldier, I asked him what rank he is and he said ‘it’s private’, I have no idea why he’s keeping it a secret”.*

Colin was quick off the mark, ”What stinks and sounds like a bell? dunnnnnggggg – I saw a smelly fairy the other day, Stinkabel – what rank do you give an incompetent policeman? defective Inspector – the shepherd at old Macdonald’s farm got promoted, he’s now the CIEIO – the scarecrow got promoted too, because he was outstanding in his field – a lumberjack got promoted to a branch manager…….”; Suzie at the next table interrupted Colin by by bursting into song, “I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK, I sleep all night, and I work all day!”

The ladies of the knitting circle where discussing a new poll which ranks the most popular things to knit from one to five; scarves came out top followed mittens followed by – well, they were all pretty uninteresting, so they thought they’d talk about unusual things they had created – “I once knitted a dial for a second hand clock, it took hours but it was with every minute”, said Polly. 

“I knitted six little caps for placing on boiled eggs to keep them warm”, said Jane, “anyway, ‘tother day I noticed two were missing, so I asked my fella if he’d seen them; well, he just smiled, winked, jiggled his hips and walked away – “OY”, shouted Landlord Len, “I don’t need crudity in my pub!”

Every year there’s a competition to see which pub in the county has the most gastronomic food offerering, The Baaarmy Inn never ranks very highly, so this year Len is thinking of upping his game by making the menu sound more appealing, maybe swapping bangers and mash for venison sausages on a bed of dauphinoise potatoes, or fish and chips and mushy peas could become line-caught cod with triple fried wedges and a pea and mint puree; “I know what this pub needs”, he said to himself, “crudités!”

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*Incase you are unaware, Private is the lowest rank in the British Army! 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories. This Week’s given word is Rank.

21 thoughts on “Six Semicolonated Sentences!”

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Feb 6, 2025 / 22:34

      Thanks so much Nancy.

      After posting it, it occured to me that the second sentence might have gone over non-British reader’s heads – a Private is the lowest rank in the British army! I’ve since added a footnote!

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  4. Frank Hubeny's avatar Frank Hubeny Feb 6, 2025 / 21:02

    I like Len’s idea of renaming items on the menu so they sound more gastronomic. It’s easier than changing what is served.

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  5. messymimi's meanderings's avatar messymimi's meanderings Feb 7, 2025 / 00:53

    It’s always fun to visit the Baaamy, and no, I did not know this about military rank. It’s funny, in the USA privates are at the bottom and generals at the top, and there’s nothing more general than a private and nothing more private than a general, right?

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  9. GirlieOnTheEdge's avatar GirlieOnTheEdge Feb 10, 2025 / 01:31

    First comment “eaten” Keith, but what I said in a nutshell – I always leave the Baaamy Inn with a smile on my face!

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