Six!

Keith's Ramblings

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“You’re late where’ve you been?” asked Colin, “well,” said Arthur,  “Dora next door said she was driving to the post office and offered me a lift ‘cos was passing the pub, but just after we got going she said ‘ooh, I need to pop into the supermarket’, then ‘ooh, I need to drop by Holly’s house’, then ‘ooh I need to stop for petrol’, then ‘ooh, I’m lost’ ”.

“Why are you wearing that scruffy old jumper, George?” asked Babs, “in memory of Susan” he replied, “she passed away last week”; “Susan from  the sweet shop?”, “no, Susan my soulmate, my precious old sheep, whenever I felt down or needed to get something off my chest we’d sit looking into each other’s eyes as she listened to me and lifted my spirits, the missus made this jumper many moons ago using wool from Susan’s back”.

“How sad,” said Ted, “as she was such a friend, did you have her embaaaalmed?”, “no Ted, we decided the most respectful thing to do was to eat her, so the missus made a mutton hotpot topped with fluffy little dumplings that looked like lambs”; “I bet it tasted good”, said Babs, “no, it was like chewing lumps of rubber!” 

Arthur decided to change the subject, “I hear you’ve had a stair lift installed, Colin”, “yea, the ole’ legs aren’t as strong as they used to be so I thought I’d treat myself, but it drives me up the wall, it’s so slow, sometimes I think it would be quicker to crawl up the stairs on my hands and knees, especially when I urgently need to go for a wee”.

“You can probably get an application on your mobile telephone that gives you an almost-full bladder-bleep!” said Suzie who’d been listening in from the next table, “anyway, haven’t you got a downstairs loo?”, “yes, behind the rhododendron bush at the bottom of the garden,” he quipped. 

“Talking of lifts,” said Colin, “those Americans call them elevators, probably because they are raised differently … I like elevator puns, they are very uplifting … working as a lift attendant has its ups and downs … I farted in a lift the other day, it was wrong on all levels.…….” – “OY, I have none of that language in my pub”, yelled Landlord Len.

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s word is Lift

Coincidentally, lift was also the given word on June 8th 2017, almost 7 years ago to the day!

If you are interested, HERE is my much shorter story from back then!

25 thoughts on “Six!”

  2. Misky's avatar Misky May 30, 2024 / 17:08

    HA! Lumps of rubber! By the time I reached the end, I couldn’t read through the tears of laughter. 😆

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  5. Suzette Benjamin's avatar Suzette Benjamin May 30, 2024 / 20:22

    Thank Keith for the elevated, uplifting, punfest. I was floored by the elevator puns. Thanks for the giving this repeat prompt from seven years ago…a re-air lift.

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  7. Frank Hubeny's avatar Frank Hubeny May 30, 2024 / 22:31

    I especially liked Dora’s last delay tactic: “‘ooh, I’m lost’”. I also liked the usefulness of the rhododendron bush.

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  10. clark's avatar clark Jun 2, 2024 / 12:16

    Whats with Suzette hogging all the excellent encore puns!?!! Truth be told, she really pushes all my buttons!*

    *yeah, not such an elevating effort. O’tis is so embaraassing

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    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Jun 2, 2024 / 15:46

      There’s a bit of a pun-off going on here! I have to say though, yours have gone up a level! O’tis indeed!!!

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  11. Liz H-H's avatar Liz H-H Jun 6, 2024 / 03:41

    Landlord Len’s last words! 😂😂😂

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