.
.
.
.
No more the submissive victim. He’d inflicted pain on her too often. Others too. Time to stop him destroying lives. But the law prohibits good deeds that involve taking lives. However, she had a plan.
She worked in a steak bar. Special knives are used there. Sharp, pointed, serrated…. perfect. One evening a diner was particularly unpleasant. She deliberately ignored the slap on the bum she received from him, for he was exactly the person she’d waited for. He could take the blame for what she was to do. She discretely wrapped his knife in a napkin, preserving his greasy fingerprints, then dropped it in her bag with some of the chef’s disposable gloves.
That night she did something she’d not done for years; she fell to her knees, clutched the golden cross she’d worn since her first communion, and prayed.
She arranged a meeting. It went exactly to plan. No last words from him, just a pathetic whimper. The deed done, she dropped the knife close to his body and removed the gloves.
‘
She knelt by her bed and felt for the cross. It was gone.
It was discovered in the corpses’ clenched fist.
Her penance was handed down not only by a priest, but also a judge.
.
© Ayr/Gray
‘
Thanks to Jenne Gray and C.E.Ayr for hosting The Unicorn Challenge
Ooh that was hard luck
It seemed like a good idea at the time!
🥹🥹
BAM! And that’s what I call a damn fine story!
Well written with the perfect flow from start to finish,
you made each of your 250 words count in a powerful way.
I love this story, Keith. Kudos to you for a fantastic write and read!
Coming from a writer such as you, that is quite a compliment! Thank you so much, Nancy.
Thank you kindly, Keith. ☺️
What a story! Excellent writing, Keith. It just doesn’t pay to commit a crime and try to blame another.
Thanks so muchly, Dale! I have a flatulent friend who’s tried blaming me a couple of times!
Haha! We all have those friends!
I think some people act in just this way, not realizing (?) this is a mockery of God. For which the judgment was swift — as to be expected. Wow, what a story! Well done, Keith.
Thanks so much. I’m sure some people think they’ll be forgiven for any ill deed if they simply confess
chills – the perfect twist
…but not the one she wished for! Thanks, Beth.
Expert writing Keith. You wove the tale around a prayer so perfectly. Well done!! And of course the moral of the story is profound!
Thanks for your kind words, Suzette.
You are very welcome, Keith!
Crime does not pay, I guess she’ll be thinking about that in jail.
Great write, Keith. I enjoyed the way the story slowly unfolded with
all the details. The ending was perfection.
Not the ending she had in mind. Thanks so much, Isadora!
Wow! Excellent, Keith! <3
~David
Thanks so much, David.
Good story. Love surprise endings.
Me too! Thanks, Patricia.
That was a surprise ending to an intriguing story, Keith.
I hope she had a good lawyer – you hint at the extenuating circumstances that drove her to this
And weaving the story round the prayer underlines her dilemma.
The twist at the end was a last-minute addition. I’m pleased it had the desired effect! Thanks so much, Jenne.
Good story Keith.
Thanks so much, Di.
You’re most welcome Keith
walked right into that narrative door, as you planned!
very nicely done!
Gotcha!
All of the above, Keith. As the Cats man said:
“Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow”
Indeed it does, and so it did!
Oo. I love how you’ve put this together, Keith – the confessional statements interwoven with the dreadful deed. And the irony of the cross torn from her neck by her victim is gorgeous. Perfect pacing, structure and tone. Great.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Margaret.
There’s always a fly in the ointment, always something to give it away. Very nicely done!
That’s life! Cheers, Mimi.
Wow Keith!
Thanks, Maria!
Well, Keith, even by your high standards this is an exceptional piece of writing.
As others have said, the interweaving of the Confessional with the action is inspired, and the ending, with the double meaning of ‘penance’, is perfect.
Blog of the Week, old chap!
I can’t thank you enough C.E. I wasn’t even sure that adding the confessional bit by bit would work, and I was on tenterhooks waiting for the comments to appear!