A short story

for Friday Fictioneers

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She darts between trees, jumps ditches and clambers up slopes; her tear-drenched face ashen with fear. 

She’s dizzy, trembling, tripping, but mercifully distancing herself from the shack in which she was imprisoned for as long as her messed-up mind can recall.

She outwitted him. Just once, but once was enough.

For a moment happier thoughts fill her mind but spill as she trips and tumbles into a muddy pool.

She tries to catch her breath. She can’t. She gasps, thumps her chest. Breathe, breathe.

Gradually her shaking slows, tears stop flowing. Serenity.

‘Free at last’ whispers the breeze as her soul drifts heavenward.

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting and to Alicia Jamtaas for the picture.

Click Froggie to discover what others have written.

 

61 thoughts on “A short story

  1. Sadje's avatar Sadje June 16, 2021 / 14:26

    Free at last! 😢

  2. Mason Bushell's avatar Mason Bushell June 16, 2021 / 16:25

    A very tense and sad tale, Keith. Nicely done!

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 14:00

      I’m relieved it came across that way! Thanks, Mason.

      • Mason Bushell's avatar Mason Bushell June 17, 2021 / 14:22

        You’re welcome.

  3. Shweta Suresh's avatar Shweta Suresh June 16, 2021 / 16:30

    A heart-wrenching tale, Keith. Finally, she’s in a place where no one can hurt her.

  4. msjadeli's avatar msjadeli June 16, 2021 / 17:19

    Keith, not your usual light-hearted fare. Excellent fast-paced action with a tragic core. My heart goes out to this woman and I hope the kidnapper has a hideous ending.

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 14:08

      I was just making sure my serious side hadn’t deserted me! Thanks for your kind words, Lisa.

      • msjadeli's avatar msjadeli June 17, 2021 / 21:02

        I know what you mean. I like to let mine out for a stroll once in awhile. You are welcome, Keith.

  5. Michael's avatar Michael June 16, 2021 / 18:55

    I found myself wondering how her journey would end.

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 14:14

      That wasn’t the ending I had in my first draft, it just suddenly appeared!t Thanks, Michael.

  6. Nobbinmaug's avatar Nobbinmaug June 16, 2021 / 19:44

    The price of freedom is high. Good twist!

  7. Dale's avatar Dale June 16, 2021 / 20:13

    Freedom at the ultimate cost. You had me holding my breath as she ran! Well done!

      • Dale's avatar Dale June 17, 2021 / 14:49

        Phew! Thank you 😉

  8. jenne49's avatar jenne49 June 16, 2021 / 23:12

    Oh you kept the tension up in this one, Keith. And that final sentence is so beautifully sad.

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 14:30

      Thanks so much, Jenne. It’s not my normal style so I’m pleased it came across that way.

  9. Alicia Jamtaas's avatar Alicia Jamtaas June 17, 2021 / 00:31

    Great tension, Keith! I thought she’d get away, but I really like your surprise ending. Masterfully done.

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 14:43

      The ending was actually a last-minute change and a bit of a risk, so I’m pleased it worked!

      Thanks for supplying our prompt this week. It’s certainly brought about some interesting reactions and interpretations.

  10. Tannille's avatar Tannille June 17, 2021 / 08:14

    Better sweet to its core.

  11. hilarymb's avatar hilarymb June 17, 2021 / 10:06

    Hi Keith – she at least died happy … though what she endured before beggars no thought. All the best for a quieter weather day! Hilary

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 15:00

      Exactly so Hilary. Quiet but muggy here, strange weather we’re having right now!

      • hilarymb's avatar hilarymb June 17, 2021 / 15:03

        It’s very odd … I live in Silverdale Road and can see the town hall – now it’s shrouded in thick mist!! – so can’t see it!! Very odd … cheers Hilary

      • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 15:12

        What a coincidence – for many years I lived at 69 Silverdale Road!

  12. Sandra's avatar Sandra June 17, 2021 / 10:34

    A tragic tale. Nicely written.

  13. Brenda's Thoughts's avatar Brenda's Thoughts June 17, 2021 / 11:51

    I was drawn in and felt her fear. I then felt relief in her tragic freedom. Excellent writing, Keith.

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 15:16

      I couldn’t wish for a more satisfying comment Brenda, thank you.

  14. rochellewisoff's avatar rochellewisoff June 17, 2021 / 13:17

    Dear Keith,

    You left me breathless with my pulse racing. Good job!

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 17, 2021 / 15:27

      I hope you were sitting down then Rochelle! Thanks so much.

  15. James McEwan's avatar James McEwan June 17, 2021 / 14:00

    Great piece of writing that had me running through the woods trying to escape the rain, nice ending- full of hot air.

  16. Dora's avatar Dora June 17, 2021 / 18:56

    Keith,
    This just grabbed me by the throat. Poor soul. But she’s at peace now. Superb writing.
    pax,
    dora

  17. draliman's avatar draliman June 18, 2021 / 14:45

    Oh no, I was with her all the way and then a tragic ending. At least she’s free now.

  18. plaridel's avatar plaridel June 18, 2021 / 18:56

    what a sad ending, but maybe it was for the best under the circumstances.

  19. GHLearner's avatar GHLearner June 19, 2021 / 12:04

    Oh wow, what a story told in so few words. Excellent action with beautiful writing. Your serious writing is just as good as your humorous writing.If the last thoughts are of hope and freedom, it’s not a bad death at all.

    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings June 19, 2021 / 15:31

      I guess I’m a bit lazy. Jokey writing seems to appear from nowhere whilst the other stuff requires far more effort! Thanks so much for your kind words

  20. Lorraine's avatar Lorraine June 19, 2021 / 16:36

    She died on her own terms, in a way. Evocative — I felt both of her freedoms.

  21. pennygadd51's avatar pennygadd51 June 19, 2021 / 22:04

    What a sad story. You wrote it well, and the ending was both surprising and moving.

  22. Tessa's avatar Tessa June 20, 2021 / 03:07

    Not what I was expecting, but well written.

  23. mjlstories's avatar mjlstories June 20, 2021 / 12:03

    Very sad! And totally immersive. A story that sticks.

  24. Laurie Bell's avatar Laurie Bell June 22, 2021 / 09:19

    Gosh! What an section packed thriller. Free at last for sure.

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