I had two stabs at a piece this week and couldn’t make my mind up which to use, so I’ve been greedy and posted them both!
He’d dismissed what they’d said about her. Called it idle gossip, jealousy even. Whatever they claimed, he came back with an answer, an excuse.
He’d been blind to what was happening. So close he couldn’t see it. Blinkered, his mind placed obstacles before his eyes. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t. Not her. Never.
But it made sense now. He can’t explain what brought on that sudden moment of realisation. It was like something lifted him up enabling him to see above and beyond the wall of denial.
They’d been right all along, he was wrong.
And now he knew she’d wronged him.
*
I will he said
You won’t said she
I will he said
Just wait and see
You’ll fall she said
I won’t said he
You will she said
Now listen to me
I won’t he said
you will said she
Don’t you dare
climb up that tree
I will said he
No don’t said she
as he began
to climb the tree
Whoops
Help
Ouch
Mum?
Told you so
…and that is why I don’t write many poems!
Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle and this week’s picture is from Susan Eames
Prod the frog to see what everyone else is up to!
Dear Keith,
Both pieces were worth the read. 😉 The poem made me laugh. BTW, how did you manage to make the frog turn green? Of course I would turn him purple.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks so much, Rochelle. As for Froggie, I copied and saved the blue image then changed the colour on the Ribbet photo editing suite. Then I copy and save the URL of the InLink page and apply it to the image when I post it on my site. I hope I haven’t completely confused you! Next week, purple it is!
I liked your poem. ouch.
https://ideasolsi65.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-cellphone.html
I hope it wasn’t too painful! Thanks, Kalpana.
Thanks so much Kalpana
I really liked your poem, too. You should write more. 😉
Your story’s more of an overview, which goes with the picture but I suspect readers would rather witness that “moment of realization.”
I may just do that! I used to write lots of poetry then one day stopped! We’ll see.
Well, the poem fit the pic, but I liked the ‘wronged’ story. Guy sounds like he got the slap upside the head. Love is blind…
That’s what they say! Thanks Denise
Both good Keith. Loved the poem.
Thank you so much.
The first is my favourite
A vote for number one! Cheers Neil
I like them both!
Thanks Sadje
My pleasure 😇
I enjoyed the poem – my kids are just at that age where they have stopped listening to parental advice… One day hopefully they’ll manage to see over that particular wall!
They have to learn the hard way! Cheers Iain.
I enjoyed both! Should I feel flattered that my photo prompted you to write two pieces? 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
It’s never happened before! Thanks Susan.
Both are good, and an “ouch” to both, emotional ouch and physical ouch.
Thanks for a double ouch Trent!
I’m glad you posted both. The first is sad and poignant. The second is just normal life for a rascally boy and his longsuffering Mum 🙂
I wrote two then couldn’t make my mind up which to use which is how I ended up with two! Thanks Linda
Two nice offerings – you spoil us, Keith! I enjoyed your story’s oblique take on the post, and I enjoyed the shrewd observation of the poem.
I’m delighted! Thanks so much Penny
Both are well-written and I love the wordplay in your poetic 2nd one.
Thanks so much. I wasn’t sure it would work, so I’m pleased it did!
That’s a fun poem, and if i were that guy in the story, i might be tempted to go climb a tree and hide away, too.
I expect he’ll build a tree house!
Both were great, Keith!
Lookit you, turning the frog green! (I saw the how-to to Rochelle 😉 )
I’m not sure my explanation was that clear, but I had a go! Cheers Dale.
🙂
i enjoyed reading both but the poem provides an extra kick. 🙂
…and a painful one! Cheers plaridel
Liked the poem best. Ouch! True to life.
I’m surprised and delighted! Thanks Tannille
Great poem!
Not exactly Wordsworth, but I’m pleased it worked!
I enjoyed them both, but the second one more.
You too! Thanks so much Sandra.
Ha, I loved the poem, that was my favourite 🙂
I wasn’t sure about posting it, so you’ve made my day!
Good story, Keith.
As for the poem …
Yea, I know! I tried…
I like number one, I like the slow reveal.
That’s the one I’m most pleased with – I had no idea my silly little poem would prove so popular though!
I liked both of these pieces, Keith. The second one was really cute. It reminded me of my children. I had a son and a daughter and she was the climber. Well written. 🙂 — Suzanne
There’s one in every family I’m sure! Thanks Suzanne
He wanted to believe but glad he realized in the end. Still hurts though. I liked both but loved your poem!
Exactly. Tanks so much Brenda
Denial, the path of least resistance, until you’re confronted with evidence. I like both. The poem was silly and I like it.
Tracey
It does one good to be silly once in a while! Thanks Tracey
I agree
At last he understood the whole thing. Better late than never.
Indeed. Thanks Abhijit
I enjoyed your contribution this week Keith. It almost ties in with my story 😉
Both so very good
The poem is a laugh riot. Loved it more.
…and that’s the one I had doubts about! Cheers Neel.
I liked both of them. They share the same message, though. Don’t ignore the warnings.
Easier said than done! Cheers.
I love them both. The first for the above and beyond interpretation of the picture, the second for the fun, and I love the rhythm.
I’m pleased! Thanks so much.
Two enjoyable pieces. I hope the wronged lover finds a more worthy recipient of his affections next time. Fun poem, too. Maybe the tree climber in the poem who wouldn’t listen to his mum grew up into the spurned lover of the story who still won’t listen to the voice of reason.
I hadn’t spotted the connection myself! Thanks Margaret.
I liked them both! The story has twists and turns in language as well as the tale, while the poem has a jumpy, nursery-rhyme beat that reminded me of skipping rhymes or those hand-clapping games.
Thanks so much for dropping by and taking the time to comment.
I enjoyed the twist you took on the prompt. Your poem is playful and right to a punching (ouch) point. 😉 Great job!
Thank you so much Shelley
You’re welcome!
Nicely done. Two stories are double the trouble to write, but twice the joy.
That’s really kind of you James, thank you.
Good tale of a guy wearing blinders in a relationship. I enjoyed the poem too. Mom always knows best.
Thanks so much Russell
Cute poem. Yes. both good. I see why it was hard to choose. You made a good choice.
If in doubt post both! Thanks Dawn.
Good stuff. Sometimes we shut our eyes tight and go into denial.
And fall off the tree.
Absolutely! Thanks so much.
Hahaha both are very good Keith. The poem was fun and the first suspicious piece… well told
I’m delighted you liked them Laurie, thank you.
I enjoyed both, Keith… very different, and not really different at all. Fun writing!
Thanks for your generous words Dawn.