Six Sentences

Keith's Ramblings

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The village priest Dick the Vic joined the farmers at The Baaamy Inn; he placed a glass of red wine on the table, held his hand above it, muttered something as he always did, then started telling them about a fund raiser he held on Sunday; “our font leaks ”, he said, “which is not ideal, parents and godparents don’t need wet feet at a christening, so before the service I asked for donations towards its repair and passed a collection dish around, I said that the person who made the largest donation could choose three hymns, well, there was a £50 note in there so I asked who gave it, Flirty Gerty stood up and said ‘it was me and my choice is him, him and him!’

Babs staggered through the pub door and made her way to the farmer’s table whilst clinging on to chairs and tables, she looked taller than usual, then they noticed why – instead of her usual DM’s she was wearing stiletto heels; “I thought I’d try being more fashionable, so I went in search of some new shoes, not necessarily Jimmy Choos but some thing similar, there was quite a choice and I couldn’t decide which shoes to choose, but then I chose those”, she said pointing at her feet, “and now I’m in agony, why anyone would choose to wear these I can’t imagine”; bless your soles!” quipped Dic the Vic! – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet and started singing, “these Choos are made for hurting and that’s just what they do…”

Over at the knitting circle, Pearl was telling them about something exciting that hubby and her chose to do on Saturday, “we thought we’d have a go at the lottery”, she said, “we’ve always wondered what we’d choose to do if we had lots of money; at first we couldn’t think what numbers to choose then we had an idea, our three kid’s ages, well, that evening they joined us as we gathered around the television to see the results, the numbers stated appearing on the screen, 3 9, 4 6, 5…. (she stopped and gulped, the other ladies looked on, eyes popping out, mouths wide open) …ONE!” ; “what did you win?” asked Natilie, bobbing up and down with excitement, “nothing”, said Pearl “our numbers were 5 1, 4 6, 3 9“.

“The other day my wife said she was going vegan” said Ted, “I thought that was an odd thing for a cattle farmer to do, after all, if cows were’t meant to be eaten they wouldn’t be made of beef, anyway she’s determined to go ahead with it, she’s even got herself several kinds of multi vitamin tablets – one’s called Good Mood Food which sounds a bit cowy to me – anyway, she’s emptied them into three tins, and on tin number one she’s written ‘take once a day’, the second, ‘take twice a day’ and the third, ‘take three times a day’ – I asked what the third ones were and she said M&M’s!

It was Colin’s turn to join the conversation – “I think my doctor likes my footwear, he said I’ve got serious healthy shoes – the guy who invented velcro shoes thought ‘why knot?’ – a bloke with two left feet goes into a shoe shop and says ‘do you sell flip-flips?’ – a knight entered the lottery and won, it was quite a sir prize – when a chap spent all his lottery winnings on a limousine, he had nothing left to chauffeur it – I chose to take up fencing, but my neighbour threatened to call the police if I didn’t put it back – I chose to teach Maths rather than English because fractions speak louder than verbs – lettuce pray said the vegan priest – the vegan said that people that sell meat are gross and I said people that sell vegetables are grocer – organ meat is offal, but German meats are the wurst………”

With Autumn here and Winter not far away, Landlord Len thought it was time to put some comfort food on the menu, his dearly departed Maggie used to do all the cooking and he thought it would be nice to find something in her folder of recipes that would remind people of her, his first choice was one of her seasonal favourites, a dish made with blackberries and white chocolate topped a pastry lid that she used to call her Magpie! 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s chosen word is Choice

28 thoughts on “Six Sentences”

  1. Violet Lentz's avatar Violet Lentz Sep 25, 2025 / 16:02

    Flirty Gerty has that tunnel vision going on, doesn’t she? I am wondering who offered first to relive old Pearl of that losing lottery ticket! hehehe Oh, and save me a piece of that Magpie would ya?

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  2. Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶's avatar Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶 Sep 25, 2025 / 16:28

    AND ….. he back! I’ve missed your wit, dear Keith, and the old gang at the pub! I’ll take a slice of that Magpie and a nice hot cuppa to go with.

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    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Sep 26, 2025 / 12:07

      🎶Here we are again, happy as can be, all good pals and jolly good company🎶

      I’ll put the kettle on!

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  3. Rene Heartsong's avatar Rene Heartsong Sep 25, 2025 / 20:47

    Oh gosh, as usual you had me cackling–‘specially at the M & M’s…but the whole post is medicinal humor, so thanks, Doc!

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      • Rene Heartsong's avatar Rene Heartsong Sep 26, 2025 / 19:59

        It’s like a Vit B12 shot every time I read you!! Have you considered compiling these great stories in a book, to be published? I would totally buy it (an autographed copy, please!)–for myself, and to send as a gift to my best friend. I’m serious–not joking, Funny Man!!

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      • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Sep 30, 2025 / 11:35

        I haven’t, but if I do you’ll be the first to know! Mmmm, I wonder…..

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  5. Frank Hubeny's avatar Frank Hubeny Sep 25, 2025 / 21:56

    Nice one from Suzie: “these Choos are made for hurting and that’s just what they do…”

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  7. messymimi's meanderings's avatar messymimi's meanderings Sep 25, 2025 / 22:36

    I’m surprised Flirty Gerty was at church at all! Anyway, what a fun time with the crew again and I love the dessert name, Magpie.

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  8. clark's avatar clark Sep 25, 2025 / 23:26

    damn! I can always count on getting a smile or even the occasional lol but this week!!

    “but then I chose those” wth?!? (that’s just messin with your Reader’s head is all that is)

    “if cows were’t meant to be eaten they wouldn’t be made of beef” (what’s the technical humor term for this… screwball humor. yeah love that)

    and finally, in the spirit of messing the minds of the Readers making them miss-pronounce

    “I think my doctor likes my footwear, he said I’ve got serious healthy shoes“

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