Six Sentences

Keith's Ramblings

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Arthur limped into the Baaamy Inn with a band aid stuck to his nose, “I’ve got these new shoes and they keep coming undone, I tripped on a lace last night went flying”, he said; “I went to the shoe shop with my good lady yesterday”, said Ted, “she must have tried on twenty or thirty pairs, eventually she found some she liked and asked how much they were and the assistant said ‘nothing, they’re the ones you were wearing when you came in’!”

“Talking of shoes”, said Babs, “a few years ago when my son was over in New York, a bloke sat down on a bench next to him in Central Park and said ‘I bet you $5 I know where you got your shoes’, well my lad thought there was no way he could possibly know so he shook hands on it, then the guy said ‘I’ll tell you where you got your shoes, you got them on your feet’ – my boy laughed and paid up, he thought it was worth every cent!”

“Your breath stinks Ted”, said Fred, “sorry ‘bout that” he replied, “it’s my wife’s fault, she was making some foreign sounding stew and laced it with garlic, it only needed one clove but she thought that meant one whole bulb – hopefully no vampires will turn up tonight, though Suzie at the next table does look a bit sinister in her back dress, drinking a Bloody Mary”; Suzie slowly turned her head, looked him in the eye and sang, “you’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off ‘a you….”

Over at the knitting circle Polly was making a lace doily; “my friend makes one of those every time her husband annoys her to help calm her down”, she said, “she puts them in a box on the window ledge, well, the other day her hubby peeped in the box and saw there were just five which quite pleased him; he asked why there was also a pile of bank notes in there and she told him they were the proceeds from the ones she sold every time the box filled up!”.

Colin’s big moment had arrived – “I tripped in France, Eiffel over – what do you say to your laces to make them go away? shoo laces – I thought orthopedic shoes would help with my posture, but I stand corrected – the guy who invented Velcro shoes thought ‘’why knot?’ – the customer said one shoe was too tight and the assistant told him the tongue needed to come right out, ‘theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth’, he said – when you bump into someone with halitosis it’s a near-breath experience – scientists use experimints to keep their breath fresh….” 

In the corner of the restaurant area, there’s a special table for two covered with a pretty lace-frilled table cloth and it’s reserved for couples with something special to celebrate, an engagement, anniversary or birthday; Len and his dearly departed Maggie often sat there after they’d closed the pub for the night, but tonight he sat there alone with a glass of their favourite sherry in his hand, “cheers Maggie”, he said, “cheers, Len”, she whispered.

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Thanks to Denise for hosting Six Sentence Stories. This week’s given word is Lace.

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28 thoughts on “Six Sentences”

  3. beth's avatar beth May 29, 2025 / 16:56

    I really really appreciate your opening paragraph here

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  6. Violet Lentz's avatar Violet Lentz May 29, 2025 / 18:04

    I absolutely love coming here every week. I cannot imagine being able to come up with so many fresh one liner’s every week! You are the master.

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  7. Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶's avatar Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶 May 29, 2025 / 18:59

    You had me laughing at so many of these; that first one about the shoes was LOL material. Our 14 yr old grandson is a master joke teller; I’m going to try some of these on him. Thanks for the laughs, dear Keith!

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  11. Liz H-H's avatar Liz H-H May 31, 2025 / 19:22

    The best kind of haunting ever is in a familiar spot, with puns and laughter the background music. Sweet six!

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  12. clark's avatar clark Jun 1, 2025 / 12:50

    week’s fave:

    “I thought orthopedic shoes would help with my posture, but I stand corrected“

    (wanna hear something weird?*)

    As I was reading Scorsese’ movie ‘Goodfellas’ came to mind. Actually one scene, a single shot/camera when Henry Hill takes his girlfriend, Karen to the club.

    Quite enjoyable

    *yeah, I know knock you over with a feather

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    • Keith's Ramblings's avatar Keith's Ramblings Jun 1, 2025 / 16:46

      Thank you kind sir, an interesting connection! As you say, weird.

      *feathers are vastly underestimated weapons.

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