A short story

Keith's Ramblings

for Friday Fictioneers

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She darts between trees, jumps ditches and clambers up slopes; her tear-drenched face ashen with fear. 

She’s dizzy, trembling, tripping, but mercifully distancing herself from the shack in which she was imprisoned for as long as her messed-up mind can recall.

She outwitted him. Just once, but once was enough.

For a moment happier thoughts fill her mind but spill as she trips and tumbles into a muddy pool.

She tries to catch her breath. She can’t. She gasps, thumps her chest. Breathe, breathe.

Gradually her shaking slows, tears stop flowing. Serenity.

‘Free at last’ whispers the breeze as her soul drifts heavenward.

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting and to Alicia Jamtaas for the picture.

Click Froggie to discover what others have written.

 

61 thoughts on “A short story”

  5. Shweta Suresh Jun 16, 2021 / 16:30

    A heart-wrenching tale, Keith. Finally, she’s in a place where no one can hurt her.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. msjadeli Jun 16, 2021 / 17:19

    Keith, not your usual light-hearted fare. Excellent fast-paced action with a tragic core. My heart goes out to this woman and I hope the kidnapper has a hideous ending.

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      • msjadeli Jun 17, 2021 / 21:02

        I know what you mean. I like to let mine out for a stroll once in awhile. You are welcome, Keith.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Michael Jun 16, 2021 / 18:55

    I found myself wondering how her journey would end.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Jun 17, 2021 / 14:14

      That wasn’t the ending I had in my first draft, it just suddenly appeared!t Thanks, Michael.

      Like

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  9. Dale Jun 16, 2021 / 20:13

    Freedom at the ultimate cost. You had me holding my breath as she ran! Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. jenne49 Jun 16, 2021 / 23:12

    Oh you kept the tension up in this one, Keith. And that final sentence is so beautifully sad.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Jun 17, 2021 / 14:30

      Thanks so much, Jenne. It’s not my normal style so I’m pleased it came across that way.

      Like

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  11. Alicia Jamtaas Jun 17, 2021 / 00:31

    Great tension, Keith! I thought she’d get away, but I really like your surprise ending. Masterfully done.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Jun 17, 2021 / 14:43

      The ending was actually a last-minute change and a bit of a risk, so I’m pleased it worked!

      Thanks for supplying our prompt this week. It’s certainly brought about some interesting reactions and interpretations.

      Like

      Reply
  14. hilarymb Jun 17, 2021 / 10:06

    Hi Keith – she at least died happy … though what she endured before beggars no thought. All the best for a quieter weather day! Hilary

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    • Keith's Ramblings Jun 17, 2021 / 15:00

      Exactly so Hilary. Quiet but muggy here, strange weather we’re having right now!

      Like

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      • hilarymb Jun 17, 2021 / 15:03

        It’s very odd … I live in Silverdale Road and can see the town hall – now it’s shrouded in thick mist!! – so can’t see it!! Very odd … cheers Hilary

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Brenda's Thoughts Jun 17, 2021 / 11:51

    I was drawn in and felt her fear. I then felt relief in her tragic freedom. Excellent writing, Keith.

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. James McEwan Jun 17, 2021 / 14:00

    Great piece of writing that had me running through the woods trying to escape the rain, nice ending- full of hot air.

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Dora Jun 17, 2021 / 18:56

    Keith,
    This just grabbed me by the throat. Poor soul. But she’s at peace now. Superb writing.
    pax,
    dora

    Like

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  20. draliman Jun 18, 2021 / 14:45

    Oh no, I was with her all the way and then a tragic ending. At least she’s free now.

    Liked by 1 person

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  22. plaridel Jun 18, 2021 / 18:56

    what a sad ending, but maybe it was for the best under the circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. GHLearner Jun 19, 2021 / 12:04

    Oh wow, what a story told in so few words. Excellent action with beautiful writing. Your serious writing is just as good as your humorous writing.If the last thoughts are of hope and freedom, it’s not a bad death at all.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Jun 19, 2021 / 15:31

      I guess I’m a bit lazy. Jokey writing seems to appear from nowhere whilst the other stuff requires far more effort! Thanks so much for your kind words

      Liked by 1 person

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  24. Lorraine Jun 19, 2021 / 16:36

    She died on her own terms, in a way. Evocative — I felt both of her freedoms.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. pennygadd51 Jun 19, 2021 / 22:04

    What a sad story. You wrote it well, and the ending was both surprising and moving.

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