A traveller’s tale …

Keith's Ramblings

for Friday Fictioneers

*I’ve moved the train below ground for the sake of my tale!

 

m

 

A moving stairway draws me down.

The tunnel taunts me.  To my left, right, behind and before, silent figures stand like statues.

A rush of wind, a rumble, a roar.  A silver snake screeches to a halt.  Doors like gaping mouths, hiss open.  A surging mass spews out in a bid for freedom.  I’m jostled forward. 

Crammed, like sardines in a can, we jerk into motion.  I grip a post.  We sway as one, this way, that.  Nobody speaks.

We are deep underground.  My body’s here, my mind’s elsewhere.  Is this what it’s like?  At the end?

‘… approaching Angel’ shrieks a voice.  ‘Mind the gap’

 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvThanks to Rochelle for hosting and to Jennifer Pendergast for the photo.

 

Prod Froggie (gently) to see what everyone has made of it!

v (1)

67 thoughts on “A traveller’s tale …”

  3. Iain Kelly Aug 5, 2020 / 17:55

    Excellent Keith – add the current pandemic to being crushed close together, and that’s why I’m avoiding subway travel for the near future!

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. granonine Aug 5, 2020 / 18:57

    Keith, this is one of your best. Your descriptions are spot on. So good 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. Gabriella Aug 5, 2020 / 19:43

    This reminds me of the Tube in Paris and NYC. Not something I particularly miss.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. msjadeli Aug 5, 2020 / 19:56

    Very atmospheric and poetic. “Doors like gaping mouths, hiss open.” Great line! Looks like you created the artwork to accompany. Nice package, Keith!

    Liked by 2 people

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  10. rochellewisoff Aug 6, 2020 / 10:24

    Dear Keith,

    You had me right there with you. I’ve been a few of those subways in New York and Chicago. Although it sounds like your train has gone somewhat lower. 😉 Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  13. Bill Aug 6, 2020 / 17:06

    Oh, I enjoyed your storied journey, Keith. The descriptions worked. Mind the gap, indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Liz Young Aug 6, 2020 / 18:07

    With a pandemic on the loose, an underground train ride might just be a journey to oblivion.

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. plaridel Aug 6, 2020 / 18:23

    a little incovenience perhaps but it does help reach our destination. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. doodletllc Aug 6, 2020 / 18:26

    You perfectly depict the mundane horrors of the daily subway commute…and now it’s speeding to the final destination…oh my. Love this.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  17. larry trasciatti Aug 6, 2020 / 19:13

    Having spent enough time on subways and trains I know they can be compared to snakes and sardine cans unfortunately..mostly by someone who doesn’t enjoy snakes or sardine cans. Nice.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  18. siobhan1967 Aug 6, 2020 / 22:42

    Having got off at Angel in rush hour more than a few times, I can very much sympathise with this piece. Lovely take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Laurie Bell Aug 7, 2020 / 00:32

    Great descriptions in this one. I truely recognise this feeling while waiting for the train!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  22. Tannille Aug 7, 2020 / 04:52

    Not sure why but the story part doesn’t show on my device (it’s there, I cut n paste text into a document to read).

    I really like this story, it reminds me of a ghost train, a really creepy one. Nightmare quality.

    Like

    Reply
  23. ceayr Aug 7, 2020 / 11:58

    A nailer, Keith.
    The jaws of hell every day, just before 9 am.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Keith's Ramblings Aug 12, 2020 / 18:02

      Thanks for your encouraging words Isadora. I did have a great weekend – I’m just back from a camping trip sleeping under the stars hence the delay in responding to your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Inside the Mind of Isadora Aug 13, 2020 / 18:18

        No worries … sleeping under the stars is much more relaxing than mdeia. Hope you’re rejuvenated and ready to take life head on.
        Have a happy Thursday … Isadora 😎

        Liked by 1 person

  26. Mike Aug 7, 2020 / 23:36

    Once a long time back I used to love traveling on the London Underground. How times change

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. subroto Aug 8, 2020 / 14:24

    Have you been following me on my daily commute? Though after working from home these days I don’t think I want to go back to the tunnel.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Aug 12, 2020 / 17:56

      Haha! I think they’ll be less busy even after things get back to normal.

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  30. wmqcolby Aug 9, 2020 / 00:20

    Keith, you grabbed on and took us with you! We made it through and STILL the train is speeding past. Super job!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Aug 12, 2020 / 17:53

      I’m sure to some travelling underground is pretty nightmarish! Thanks Sandra.

      Like

      Reply
  32. Woman walking Max Aug 10, 2020 / 11:12

    Well done, your story is like a poem, with all the senses vividly described. I do not want to ride on this underground train !

    Liked by 1 person

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