Friday Fictioneers

Keith's Ramblings

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Suddenly the lights of Paris seemed less bright. They stood inches apart but separated by the cold steel of a carriage door.

With a menacing roar, the train started moving, slowly at first, prolonging the agony of those final heart-wrenching moments. He choked on his emotion; she sobbed, tried to speak, but couldn’t.

He ran, gripping her hand, until the monster dragged them apart, headed into the night and was gone.

As he stood alone on the deserted platform, her voice whispered in his ear. ‘Je suis désolée mon amour’.

‘Adieu mon amour’ he cried.

He sank to his knees. “ Pourquoi m’as-tu abandonné? Pourquoi?”

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If you’ve no idea what they said, Google Translate will come to your aid – as it did me when I wrote it!

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rr-tracks-at-harpers-ferrycFriday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle and the photo is provided by Dawn M Miller. Thank you.

83 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers”

  1. Sandra Dec 5, 2018 / 12:03

    There’s something infinitely sad about parting at a railway station. You captured this.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Keith's Ramblings Dec 5, 2018 / 12:54

      You are so right Sandra. Stations so often feature in stories and films. Thanks so much.

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  4. Denise Dec 5, 2018 / 12:41

    Yeah, well, so much for Paris being the city of love. You shot a cannon through that sentiment. Wink.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. rochellewisoff Dec 5, 2018 / 12:57

    Dear Keith,

    Such a sad piece. I could see and hear them. Although I did have to work a little for those last three lines. 😉 Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Christine Goodnough Dec 5, 2018 / 13:08

    Makes me think of that song:
    “J’ai pense que ca va mieux de partir sans un adieu…”
    sung to the tune of “Five Hundred Miles.”
    But now you have to write another post and tell us why she was leaving him behind.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Dec 5, 2018 / 14:35

      I think the sentiment within that song is probably correct. Unfortunately, my couple had never heard it! I may just write a follow-up, we’ll see!

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      • sherloque Dec 6, 2018 / 12:01

        I’m worried about her saying “je suis désolée”. This is a very new way of speaking French. My grand-daughter is saying it all the (bloody) time and it gets me mad. We, the French speaking folks, used to say: “excuse-moi” (i.e. I’m sorry). Being “desolated”! is aping the English language… and behavior. Could your sweat heart leaving you on the platform say something like: “c’est la vie” !!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Keith's Ramblings Dec 6, 2018 / 13:26

        As you will have seen from my footnote, I was totally reliant upon Google Translate as I’m a non-French speaker. I guess Mr G is trying to be hip with the young folk! Thanks for the link – what a lovely song.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Iain Kelly Dec 5, 2018 / 14:37

    Train stations are always a great setting for emotional and romantic farewells. A shame they parted in such sorrow. Nicely written Keith.

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    • Keith's Ramblings Dec 5, 2018 / 15:00

      They are indeed. Meetings too – Brief Encounter to name but one. La séparation est une si douce peine

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  9. Brenda's Thoughts Dec 5, 2018 / 16:10

    You created well this tragic scene, as he sinks to his knees on the platform wondering why he has been abandoned.

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  10. granonine Dec 5, 2018 / 16:33

    I remember just enough French to figure out what was said–and believe me, it’s far more eloquent in French than in English. Excellent emotion here. Makes you want to know, too, why he has been abandoned.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Keith's Ramblings Dec 6, 2018 / 11:11

      Changing the dialogue was a last minute change! It just sounds nicer. I’m pleased it paid off. Thanks so much.

      Liked by 1 person

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  13. ceayr Dec 5, 2018 / 21:58

    I suppose Paris is traditionally more romantic than, say, Grimsby.
    Not a bad stab at the French, mon vieux, but for her ‘Je suis désolée’, extra ‘e’ for a lady.

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    • Keith's Ramblings Dec 6, 2018 / 11:04

      Being one of those Southerners, I wouldn’t dare suggest that! Thanks for catching my errant e. Although I lived in France for many years I never got the hang of writing in French! Cheers CE.

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  14. Dale Dec 6, 2018 / 00:23

    Beautifully done, Keith. Train station good-byes are the worst.
    And for once, Google Translate did a good job. c.e. caught the extra ‘e’ that was missing in her désolée…

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Kestril Trueseeker Dec 6, 2018 / 01:38

    I’m thankful I’ve never had to have such a sad departure at a train station. What could have caused such earnest lovers to part?

    Liked by 1 person

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    • frankie perussault Dec 7, 2018 / 14:44

      “As he stood alone on the deserted platform”… indeed, why is she so “desolate”… having to go? Is she French actually? because then I could comment some more!

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Keith's Ramblings Dec 8, 2018 / 10:41

        There are all sorts of possibilities, but I didn’t have anything in particular in mind. – I leave that to the reader! She was English in my first draft, but changed nationalities in the final one – French sounds so much more romantic. I was, however, dreading a French person commenting on my use (or misuse) of their beautiful language!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  18. anuragbakhshi Dec 6, 2018 / 06:24

    I’ve seen people with hearts of stone breaking down while parting at railway stations, so I find this extremely true and relatable.

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Abhijit Ray Dec 6, 2018 / 07:02

    A couple saddened by separation, temporary or permanent. Why be so sad, they can meet again, anytime, anywhere?

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. draliman Dec 6, 2018 / 13:40

    Pourquoi indeed. Get off at the next station and go back! Nice one.

    Liked by 1 person

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  24. plaridel Dec 6, 2018 / 19:56

    i could only imagine what the french words mean. still, it made me sad.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. Alice Audrey Dec 6, 2018 / 21:08

    Wait. He says “goodbye”, and then “Why did you abandon me”?

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    • Keith's Ramblings Dec 6, 2018 / 21:50

      ‘Goodbye my love’ he cried before sinking to his knees, not understanding why she was leaving him

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  26. Violet Lentz Dec 7, 2018 / 12:56

    The nice ones never do… Understand why they are being left behind, I mean.. Excellent write Keith..

    Liked by 1 person

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  27. pennygadd51 Dec 7, 2018 / 15:07

    Passionate stuff, Keith! I like the way you characterised the locomotive as a great beast.

    Liked by 1 person

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  28. Jade M. Wong Dec 7, 2018 / 20:35

    Ohh, parting at a railroad is simultaneously so romantic and so heartbreaking. I love the addition of the French 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. JoHawkTheWriter Dec 8, 2018 / 01:38

    An excellent example of why Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Romanian and French, especially French, are Romance languages. Nicely done.

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    • frankie perussault Dec 8, 2018 / 10:37

      “romance” languages, the word is misleading. those countries were territories of the Roman empire for 400 years. the local gallic and other native tongues got swallowed up. French is some sort of pidgin latin. nothing “romantic” there.

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      • Keith's Ramblings Dec 8, 2018 / 12:38

        I bow to your ‘connaissance supérieure’. However, it certainly sounds romantic!

        Liked by 1 person

      • JoHawkTheWriter Dec 8, 2018 / 16:49

        Indeed, the word “Romance” was derived from the Latin “romant” meaning “in the Roman manner” The romance languages evolved from the Vulgar (meaning Common) Latin, as opposed to the Classical Latin. It further evolved into distinct languages. First Continental and Sardinian dialects and then the Continental Romance divided between East and West. It is from the Western Romance language that Spanish, Portuguese and French evolved. I have studied both Spanish and Portuguese and am currently studying Italian. Perhaps one day I will add French.

        Liked by 2 people

  30. James McEwan Dec 8, 2018 / 13:59

    Yep, I know that timetable of the farewell express, it has come and gone so many times. One day, soon, I’ll buy a ticket.

    Liked by 1 person

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  31. frankie perussault Dec 8, 2018 / 15:49

    Keith, for God’s sake, you lived in France, you said, now this very minute the French are physically uprising against their government and president. It’s not about my “connaissance supérieure”. It’s simply as a French “expat” in English speaking countries I’ve heard all this far too often. It is a way not to take the French seriously. Being romantic is not being serious. This very minute you can watch our news, live here :

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      • frankie perussault Dec 9, 2018 / 14:29

        oh no! non non non !!! forgive me… please do not feel insulted or anything like that. I just stated “my” feelings. Please take it as such. just trying to get “my” message across that there’s a lot more to the French than just being romantic. wishing for my part that my English friends would take notice of that. that’s all.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Keith's Ramblings Dec 9, 2018 / 14:34

        I was not being serious Frankie, just trying to lighten the mood! In fact I appreciate your informative comments which have made me wish I taken the French language more seriously when I lived there.

        Liked by 1 person

      • JoHawkTheWriter Dec 9, 2018 / 14:35

        Oh, no. It is a beautiful piece. I am so sorry my comment, which was meant as a true compliment was taken as some sort of derision. That was never the intent. 😡 You know the best work inspires intense emotions, and you have done that. I am looking forward to reading your next piece, Keith. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Keith's Ramblings Dec 9, 2018 / 17:26

        I can assure you it was not taken that way Jo! I was just surprised that a handful of words could initiate such intense debate!

        Liked by 1 person

  35. Kira Dec 12, 2018 / 03:49

    Poignant moment of parting ways between the two. There is something inherently sad and romantic about saying goodbye at a train station. Wonderful read!

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